The State of the World 2019
The Year of Protests
The Gilets Jaunes (Yellow Vests) continued to protest, initially against rising fuel prices but as the protests continued a list of 42 demands has evolved. They simply do not like President Macron. Around the world Extinction Rebellion protested over the lack of political action on the climate crisis. Throughout Africa and Latin America the poor protested against corruption. In Hong Kong, students turned protest into an art form, as they demanded some real democracy. Protests even took place in Moscow and Tehran, in Russia 1000 people were arrested in Iran 1000 were shot.
737 Max deadly blunder
Boeing’s new plane the 737 Max crashed twice, was it a tech problem, was it terrorists, was it pilot error - no! Boeing had installed a software upgrade to improve handling, but forgot to tell the pilots. At the time of the first crash in Indonesia the software was identified as the problem but Boeing denied this. The 737 Max was grounded after a second crash killed a 157 people in Ethiopia. The Max produces half of Boeing’s revenue and so they are desperate to get their planes in the air again but would you fly in one. Be aware, Turkish Airlines have 75 on order.
Chargos deadline
Six months ago the the UK was given a deadline to return the Chagos Islanders to their homes. They were dumped in Mauritius in the 1970s so that their island could be leased to the US airforce. The UK ignored the UN ruling, why not? Let’s face it, have you ever heard one our politicians describing the treatment of the Chagossians as crimes against humanity? However, with typical mock Brit humour the UK has begun to take small groups of Chagossians back to the archipelago for brief "heritage" visits.
Sri Lanka Bombings
Bomb blasts killed 321 people and wounded 500 on Easter Sunday in Colombo, Sri Lanka. Churches and hotels were targeted. The government there are pointing the figure at Islamic State but really they do not have a clue. Police have managed to arrest 30 people, just to make it seem as if they know what they are doing.
Sacks of cash
Sudan President Omar al-Bashir was ousted from power on 11 April after 30 years. A search of his palace revealed millions of dollars in sacks - you can't blame him for not trusting the banks with his money.
King of Thailand marries
May
Thai King Maha Vajiralongkorn (worth $30bn) married his bodyguard, Suthida Tidjai, and made her queen. She then became General Suthida Vajiralongkorn Na Ayudhya. The wedding ceremony was the weirdest thing on planet Earth. All the guests, including the queen to be, slithered across the floor like snakes towards King Maha. The world’s media failed to explain what the snake act was all about.
.
Russia, China, and the USA
In November 2013, US Secretary of State John Kerry, like a tortoise pulling its head back into its shell, declared that "The era of the Monroe Doctrine is over." Someone forgot to tell the Chinese, over the past several years they have carved out a sphere of influence based on financial support. Their version of Monroe has been dubbed Belt and Road, i.e., a “belt” of overland corridors and a maritime “road” of shipping lanes, (it makes sense in Chinese). Beyond creating a massive debt bubble, the Communist regime has busied itself putting a million Uighurs in concentration camps. It's understood that the Foreign Office here sent a letter of complaint. The FO also wrote another letter in support of Hong Kong protesters, campaigning for a thimble full of democracy. Beijing told the FO to get lost.
Someone must have told Trump that the Chinese had stolen the Monroe Doctrine, so he decided to stop fighting other people’s wars. He pulled out of northern Syria with five minutes notice for his allies, the Kurds. This caused much distress to the Kurdish peoples. This also gave the green light to Erdo The Mad, the Turkish leader to pursue his genocide. Vlad the Impaler was happy to help out his new best friend Erdo, with some aerial killing. We suspect they were using Aung San Suu Kyi's blueprint for ridding Myanmar of the Rohingya.
Space, the final frontier
Trump decided, just to be on the safe side, to spend half a trillion dollars up-grading his nuclear arsenal. Vlad saw this, and told soviet citizens they would have to wait a bit longer for the benefits of the twentieth century, he then increased spending on his nuclear arsenal. Beijing obviously followed suit, as did the twit with the odd hair cut and baggy trousers in North Korea.
However, Trump’s real focus was elsewhere, he’d been watching Star Trek and was much impressed with Captain Kirk’s big chair. Trump had spent his first term of office undermining the rules-based global order, now he was asserting US dominance in space. In his mind, space no longer belonged to everyone.
In the UK
Lying, alternative facts, confusion and nonsense were the most memorable facets of life. Mrs May told us in April that under Tory governments since 2010, state pensions had rose by over £1,450 per year, it was actually £550 - inflation was left out of the picture. “Wages are rising at the fastest rate in a decade.” That was Chief Secretary to the Treasury Rishi Sunak MP, August 2019. Rishi also had to forget about inflation to make his absurd claim.
The Tory party set up a phony twitter feed to 'rubbish' Labour in November. This was silly because Labour was on a suicide mission, Jessa had no intention of being taken alive by the voting public.
.
Confusion section
Most of the confusion came from Labour and Jessa Corbyn's inability to say where his party stood on Brexit and the falure to deal with antisemitism in his party. Made difficult because Labour is now three or four parties.
.
The antics of some other parties made UK politics even more ridiculous. We had Lib-Dem Jo Swinson telling us she thought she could become the PM. As it was she lost her seat in the election. UKIP elected a leader called Dick Braine and then dumped him before the election. They also flirted with right-wing nutters Carl Benjamin and Stephen Yaxley-Lennon. Full of himself as ever, Nigel Farage set up the Brexit Party, not so much a party, more a club for disaffected Tories. The election upshot was that UKIP and Brexit came up empty in the election.
Nonsense section
May
As part of contingency plans, Operation Yellowhammer, the Ministry of Defence has made 3,500 troops, including reserves, available to be deployed if necessary. That is, if we ever leave the EU?
.
Mr Corbyn reflects on his election defeat...
Dianne Abbot managed to put on odd shoes on voting day. Post the election Jeremy has revealed himself as not a very nice person. He cost 60 Labour candidates their seats in the election. We will never know how many he apologized to personally.
.
.
Bonkers wins election
On the 12th December voting for the General Election took place and 13.9 million voters chose the Tories. This gave Bonkers an 80 seat majority in the Commons. Many long term Labour seats were lost to the Tories and a Labour government moved beyond the scope of mortal dreamers. The SNP swept all others away in Scotland, with Sturgeon still carping on about Scottish independence. All other parties were an irrelevance, having no chance under the First Past The Post system. Bonkers made several promises:
1. Leave EU on 31 December 2020
2. No extension to the transition period
3. 50 thousand new nurses and 40 new hospitals
4. Find a solution to the crisis in the care system. Bonkers promised a 'clear plan' in July - no sign yet?
5. Hit climate targets
6. Set up an Australian style immigration system by January 2021.
.
Time Magazine?
Climate warrior, Greta Thunberg: Time Magazine's person of the year 2019
.
.
.
Killer of Kulaks, Stalin: twice TIME's Man of the Year, for 1939 and 1942
.
.
Fiona Onasanya ex-MP, episode 5
August
We had the lies, then the court case, then the jailing, then the ousting as an MP... and now, struck off as a solicitor. She was struck off at a disciplinary tribunal that found she had "failed to act with integrity", failed to "uphold the rule of law and proper administration of justice" and "acted dishonestly".
Note: good riddance
.
Pisa: UK still mediocre
(Pisa: Programme for International Student Assessment)
November
The Pisa results for 2018 have been published, revealing that the UK's performance in the tests is still flat, or as we like to say here at Blast-it - mediocre. The UK was 14th for reading, 14th for science, and 18th for mathematics. These tests have been running since 2000, taken every three years by a random group of 15 year olds in 70 odd countries. Over that time these tests have become increasingly influential in shaping national education systems. This is curious, if not absurd. It is about time a small child told education secretaries that the emperor is naked.
up
A boundless buffoon
August
There are no flies on our Supreme Court judges, they spotted that Johnson’s proroguing of Parliament was not normal. They concluded that Johnson’s action was illegal and designed to stymie any dissenting voices to his Brexit plans. It was actually Jacob Rees-Mogg who did the lying. He said that he did not know he was lying.
More buffoonery
Following an article in the Times about Johnson's relationship with Jennifer Arcuri, whilst he was London mayor, the press salivated over his afternoon visits to Jennifer’s apartment, the supply of public funds for her entrepreneurial ambitions, as well as, invitations to join Johnson’s team on trade trips abroad. Johnson denies anything untoward occurred.
And... our failure to leave on October 31
Opposition MPs passed a Bill to force Johnson to ask for an extension to Article 50, until January 31. He said he would "rather be dead in a ditch". He wrote two letters, the first one said they made me send the next letter, asking for an extension.
Manchester Arena: cover up
September
The Home Secretary has moved to cover up the shortcomings of the security services by not allowing the victims families to hear the evidence.
Bomber Abedi detonated a device at the end of an Ariana Grande concert on 22 May 2017, killing 22 and injuring hundreds. Abedi had been on the spooks watch list since 2014. They missed opportunities to thwart his murdering ambition. Now, spooks are claiming public interest immunity, i.e., making out that the truth of the way they dealt with Abedi was in the public interest to be kept secret.
UKIP choose a new leader
August
Ukippers chose Richard Braine as their new leader. Richard is otherwise known as DickBrain, well what else would you call someone who says he loves Carl Benjamin. You may recall it was Carl who publicly joked about raping Labour MP, Jess Phillips, and abusing young boys - which was OK because the ancient Greeks were keen on the practice. Benjamin is a fine complement to Mr DickBrain.
up
The Madness of Chuka Umunna
July
Umunna joined the Lib-Dems, aka, the Zombie Party having concluded that it was too difficult to “set up a fully fledged new party without an existing infrastructure”.
He was of course talking about the lunacy of setting up Change UK with a group of defectors from the main two parties. With dismal results in the Euro elections, the Change gang started arguing with each other. Five or six left to wander abroad, party-less. Hence, Chuka joined the Zombies because? “There is only room for one centre-ground (middle earth) party in the UK.”
Outstanding, this twit has been in Parliament for nine years and he’s only just discovered how the first past the post voting system disbars small parties.
Euro Election Results
May
The Brexit Party gained 29 seats, the Lib-Dems got 16, Labour 10, The Greens 6, and the Tories 4. Ukip got wiped out. The Brexit party now thinks that it is entitled to take part in Brexit negotiations. No one has told them, the time for talking is over. And Change UK, the great hope for middle earth, failed to inspire voters.
New Poet Laureate?
May
The BBC tells us: “Poet Simon Armitage, whose "witty and profound" work spans sharp observations about modern life and classical myths, is to be the UK's next Poet Laureate.” Armitage replaces Dame Carol Ann Duffy, whose had the job for the past ten years, unnoticed.
Blast-It’s culture person, Kendosan, took a look at some of Armitage’s work, he was not impressed. Profundity was absent and wit was slight.
Radio presenter makes a monkey of himself
May
Danny Baker, Radio 5 Live presenter, posted the tweet below after Meghan Markel gave birth to a boy, Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor.
Baker claimed he didn't know it was Meghan who had given birth after he was sacked by the BBC for the tweet. He told the head of BBC Five Live to 'fuck off' and said the phone call was a 'masterclass of pompous faux-gravity' when told he would no longer be working at the station.
Note: Apparently, faux means not genuine; fake or false. Baker said his tweet was a comment on class, it was not racist. Why was Baker using the word faux? Also, why didn't the BBC sack Alan Sugar when he was racist about the entire Senegal Football team?
up
Vote Leave drops appeal
31/03/19
The Vote Leave referendum campaign, fronted by a pair of stooges, Boris Johnson and Michael Gove, was found by the Electoral Commission to have funnelled £675,315 through pro-Brexit youth group BeLeave, days before the referendum in 2016, which helped ensure it did not breach its £7m spending limit. They were fined £61,000 for the overspend. The stooges knew nothing about the overspend, Gisela Stewart, chairperson of Vote Leave knew nothing and Dominic Cummings, who spent most of the money, knew nothing.
.
Geoffrey Cox, 49p is all he is worth
May
Attorney General Geoffrey Cox managed to forget, for six months, the thousands of pounds in rent from his London flat in his back pocket. He apologised to Parliamentary authorities for not registering the money as income. Cox once earned £800,000 in a single year for his work as a criminal barrister - but he still claimed 49p in expenses to pay for a pint of milk. Let's hope he is not claiming for his acting lessons - he clearly thinks he's Richard Burton.
Bad start to the year for Transport minister Grayling
02/01/19
Seaborne Freight was awarded a £13.8m contract to operate freight ferries from Ramsgate to the Belgian port of Ostend if the UK leaves the EU without a deal - but it does not have any boats - How did that happen Mr Grayling?
Grayling and the cost of his failings
12/02/19
Chris Grayling, Transport Secretary, was asked in the Commons how much he had spent on his 'no ferries' deal with Seaborne — “nothing”, said he. This was all very curious because National Audit Office report said that £800,000 had been spent on consultants. And would there be any legal fees to come now that Grayling (11/01/19) had pulled the plug on his deal with Seaborne Freight — Failing Grayling was not the person to ask.
Failing Unlimited
01/03/19
Transport secretary, Chris Grayling, is by every measure a bumbling idiot. His latest achievement, carrying out a secret franchising process with ferry companies, one with no boats, post-Brexit, and leaving the tax-payer liable to a court settlement for Eurotunnel of £33m. Why, because cunning Chris chose not to invite them to the tendering party.
Boris the Buffoon spaffing again
May
"One comment I would make is that I think an awful lot of the money, an awful lot of police time, now goes into these historic offences and all this malarkey - £60m I saw was being spaffed up the wall on some investigation into historic child abuse and all this kind of thing." on LBC
An email sent to The Last Leg, suggested that the world would be a better place if Stanley Johnson had spaffed Boris up the wall.
.
UP
