Don't forget

In 2017 Hull was the cultural city of the known universe. Well, at least the bits in the middle were. Visitors were not encouraged to visit the other bits.


Word of the years


Post-truth: an adjective defined as ‘relating to or denoting circumstances in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief’. (Oxford Dictionary)

Designating post-trust as word of the year sums up the silliness we are struggling to live with in the 21st century.


Youthquake: defined as 'a significant cultural, political, or social change arising from the actions or influence of young people'.

Rubbish films and lost correspondence


The BBC seemed to think that an envelope mix up at the Oscars was the biggest story of the moment. Rubbish film La La Land was wrongly cited for best film, when in fact it should have been rubbish film Moonlight. The only thing that made this mix up interesting was watching the inability of Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty to read - the card they were attempting to decipher was for best actress, i.e., Emma Stone for La La Land.

The real news of the week, indeed the year to date, was the Department of Health’s failure to deliver 500,000 envelopes containing medical correspondence between 2011 and 2016. Undelivered data included, blood tests results, cancer screening results, biopsy results, even correspondence relating to cases of child protection

Jonathan Ashworth, the shadow health secretary said, “Let’s be under no illusions: this is a catastrophic breach of data protection.” Jonathan is of course a nitwit, there was no breach because no actually had access to the information.

Our marvellous health secretary Mr Hunt put the record straight. He said the correspondence had not been lost during the five years it went missing. No, it was held securely in a warehouse. It was a “blunder” he said, that the information had not been delivered by NHS Shared Business Services, co-owned by the Department of Health and the French firm Sopra Steria, internal postal service within the NHS. He further said that he first became aware of the loss of documents on 23 March 2016, there was no cover-up, he simply told his civil servants not to admit anything in case anxious patients overwhelmed already busy GP surgeries seeking information.

A Department for Health spokesperson said that the whole process was “completely transparent” and the ‘secret clean-up’ team have discovered that 173 may have been harmed by the handy work of Shared Business Services.

Article 50


Not much happened in the week just gone. On Wednesday, our notice to quit the EU was handed in. Few are claiming to know why all this leaving nonsense will take two years. Liberal jelly fish and frayed glove puppets like Nick Clegg, Little Timmy Farron and Alastair Campbell have found a cause to rally to, before they finally vanish into total oblivion. They have vowed to stop the great leaving from the Euro gravy train. The question is why? This is where the Guardian would write a few thousand words considering the question, however, this is Blast It and that's an unlikely prospect. The Common Market was a neat idea but the federalist claptrap and money grubbing of the European Union is not what we signed up to, it cannot be reformed, it will implode - best we are not there when that happens!



Brian Matthews, one of the good guys.


Obama Care survives


Trump's efforts to be rid of Obama Care, a key plank of his election campaign, failed on Friday, when his Republicans did not supply enough suppot for his efforts. Trump blaimed the Democrats for his failure?


SATs Boycott

From the NUT conference in Cardiff, 16/04/17

Hallelujah, the National Union of Teachers says the tests for seven and 11-year-olds are damaging to children and education, it's only taken teachers 20 odd years to realise these tests are a waste of everyone's time. The NUT is now going to have an indicative ballot to decide on a boycott of primary SATs.

A DfE spokesman trotted out the usual nonsense about testing measuring pupil progress and ensuring children learn the required skills in maths and literacy. And, nearly forgot, raising school standards.


US launch Moab attack in Afghanistan


The mother of all white elephants

On Thursday evening the US dropped a massive ordinance air burst (Moab) weapon on a mountain range in Nangarhar province. We were told that the bomb 'took out' 36 IS fighters. In financial terms this means that each fighter cost the US military $450,000 to kill. There were later claims that 96 fighters were killed but here at Blast It we suspect that the Pentagon included dead sheep as collateral damage.

Prince Philip steps down

Prince Philip announced in May that he would be retiring from public service at the age of 96.

Cyber Ransomware Attack on the NHS


NHS hospitals across the country were locked out from patient data by a ransomware attack, with the result that hundreds of operations were cancelled. The hospitals were vulnerable because the majority of NHS computer systems are running out of date rubbish Microsoft software and failed to install a patch that was made available two months ago. They also ignored warnings that a cyber attack would take place this year.

Computers in almost 100 countries were hit by the malware that been stolen from the National Security Agency in the US. It blocks access to any files on a PC until a ransom is paid. Mrs May took great comfort from the fact that Britain had been singled out?



Manchester Arena Bombing

A shrapnel-laden homemade bomb was detonated as people were leaving Manchester Arena following a concert by the American singer Ariana Grande. Twenty-three people were killed, including the attacker, and 250 were injured. The bomber was an Islamist terrorist. Manchester police arrested all the Muslims in Manchester and then let then all go again.

The Un-dead


Following the Tories abysmal election performance, George Osborne decribed Theresa May as a "dead woman walking". George should know, it's been many a full moon since he was able to cope without the blood of the living.

Labour's shadow health secretary, Jon Ashworth, told the BBC's Sunday Politics that now the Tories were being transfused by the DUP we could end up with a "zombie" parliament.

Clearly, our shadow secretary knows a thing or two about transfusions, having to follow Jeremy Hunt around day and night, but he gets no marks for his observation since he has been sharing the House with a number of souls in need of a blood transfusion since 2011 without noticing.



Lib-Dems have new leader

Nobody cares! Alright, it was Vince Cable.

Tower to disappear


The plan now is to make Grenfell Tower disappear by the end of the year. Blast It understands that the council have signed up magician David Copperfield to repeat his 1983 disappearance of the Empire State Building.

Lib-Dems get excited


Stop Press: Westminster came over all hot and bothered today. The atmosphere was such that even dead Liberals momentarily came back to life. This moment was brought about by a "nasty" remark.

To wit: Tory MP, Anne Marie Morris said,

"Now we get to the real nigger in the woodpile, which is in two years what happens if there is no deal."

The remark was deemed unacceptable racism. Anne Marie was sent home and had her whip taken away.

Bad news - More money wasted!


MPs are off on holiday now for six weeks, so it was a good time for May and her crew to issue a range of annual reports, statistics, policy papers and 22 written statements full of bad news?

May's government managed to waste £1.1 million of taxpayer money on Brexit court cases. Remain campaigner Gina Miller eventually won a ruling that gave MPs the opportunity to vote before Article 50 was triggered. Gina claims she used her own money for her campaign, she never apologised for wasting so much of ours.

A report on the uptake of A level maths described the situation as concerning, there was particular concern because too few girls are doing maths at advance level and there's a lack of funding for schools.

The number of full-time soldiers has fallen by 7,000 in the last three years.
Across the Army, Air Force and the Navy there are currently 570 fewer service personnel than a year ago.

Number of police officers at 30-year low, official statistics showed there were 132,142 police officers in England and Wales - the lowest number for 30 years. The news comes as there was the largest increase crime in ten years.

Electrification plans for the Midland Main Line have been dropped, this was another of Cameron's failed promises.


How useless is the General Medical Council


Victims of psychopathic surgeon Ian Paterson are to receive a share of £37m compensation, from private company Spire Heathcare and the Heart of England NHS Trust. Paterson performed hundreds of unnecessary operations on women who supposedly had breast cancer and he deliberately made a mess of things. The BBC described his behaviour as "in breach of national guidelines." His methods were first investigated in 2003 but it wasn't until 2012 that he was suspended by the General Medical Council, after three reports had been written about his behaviour.

The GMC should now instruct all surgeons to publish their outcome data, so that we may discover how many more Paterson's there are in the system.


Raging Bull, Jake LaMotta, dies at 95


Death in Myanmar


The Rohingya minority Muslim group are being driven out of former Burma by the nice happy clappy Buddhist military. The Rohingya have been fleeing for the last two years to countries bordering on Myanmar but they are not wanted there either.

UN human rights watchers have been wringing their hands and pleading with Myanmar leader, Aung San Suu Kyi, to stop the genicide. She says that press reports of violence against the Rohingya is false news. The truth is, she does not run the country, the army do. She should have stayed under house arrest, polishing her Noble Peace Prize. Some nice Buddhist priests were seen on TV telling us that the Rohingya are illegal immigrants from Bangladesh.



Parsons Green Bomb


IS claimed responsibility for a bomb that exploded on a tube train yesterday at Parsons Green station, in Fulham, London. The bomb injured 29 people. The police are currently looking for "suspects", so all Muslims in west London should to be arrested shortly. This attack has led to an interesting new development. The military would be providing support to police and would replace officers on guard duty at national infrastructure sites that are not accessible to the public.


A message from Mrs May (15/09/17)

Threat Level is now Critical
An attack is expected imminently.

The editorial team here at Blast It have been considering Mrs May's message and believe she needs to be a bit less vague. Is it safe to go out or not? And how soon is imminently?

Stop Press: 17/09/17, The terror threat has been lowered to 'severe', following the arrest of a second suspect. Still not sure if it's safe to go out?


Catalan independence referendum


Spain’s autonomous region of Catalan held an independence referendum, despite it being declared illegal by the Spanish government.

Spanish police raided polling stations and beat every body up. The rest of the European Union pretended not to notice.








Killing Fields of Myanmar 2017

It was a year in which we discovered that American voters are quite happy with a nut job for president. How on Earth, assuming Trump knows that he on Earth, is a mad person, unable to grasp a can of Stella unassisted, going to make "America great again". Are there no advisors in the White House schooled in history, able to tell the halfwit that his election slogan is too verbose, the 'again' bit has to go, before the Democrats start shouting 'alternative facts', America was never great!

Kim Jong Un, “rocket man”, called Trump a “dotard” after Trump said he would unleash “fire and fury” on North Korea. We believe that Trump had just finished watching his favourite film, Avengers Assemble, at the time.

For the record, Kim launched 37 rockets in 2017 mainly pointed towards Japan.

Moving on to more important issues; in Myanmar (Burma) the army spent the whole year attempting to exterminate the Rohingya Muslims. Aung San Suu Kyi, the token leader of Burma, spent the year pretending that there was nothing to see, no problems, all was fine with Buddha and Burma was a great place for a holiday. The Rohingya took a different view and 600,000 thousand fled to Bangladesh. Bad idea! Bangladesh really don't want them and now Suu Kyi is doing a deal with Bangladesh to get the Rohingya to come back to Burma so that the army can get on with the killing.

A name to remember: Commander-in-Chief Senior General Min Aung Hlaing, he's in charge of the killing!

Trump is President


Donald Trump, very wealthy, failed business man and reality TV character, became the 45th President of the United States. An estimated 300,000-600,000 people attended his inauguration but poor Donald imagined that half the world's population was in attendance. Trump predicted his inauguration having "an unbelievable, perhaps record-setting turnout." Sean Spicer, Trump's White House Press Secretary, stated that the crowd "was the largest audience ever to witness an inauguration, period, both in person and around the globe". Total bollocks and that's all Trump has delivered thus far.


Trump finds replacement for White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer.....trump


Bricklayers Required

For long term wall building project



Spicer resigned (July 21) when Trump appointed financier Anthony Scaramucci as communication director. Scaramucci only lasted one week in post.

Where's the bus gone?

Boris Johnson and Michael Gove stood in front of the bus when they were campaigning to leave the EU. After the UK voted to leave the EU, bonkers Boris and his short trousered chum disowned the bus. The Leave Campaign made an amateurish attempt to remove the bus from their website. And the media was unable to find anyone who knew where the £350m figure came from? David Cameron ran away and hid. Then, in another absurdist twist of fate, the new PM, Theresa May, made Bonkers Boris the Foreign Secretary. Could the world become more absurd? Yes, Americans' elected reality TV star Don Trump as their new President.


Hogan-Howe says ignorance is the secret of his success


Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe, aka, The Total Policeman, is retiring this year. Hogan-Howe will only be remembered for knowing less than someone from Barcelona and providing misleading evidence to inquiries and select committees. Hogan-Howe was once asked by a reporter why he seemed to know so little about the corruption at the Met before he arrived? He said: I never asked about it, so no one would ever ask me about it.

Justin Welby knows less than Hogan-Howe

The Archbishop of Canterbury issued an “unreserved and unequivocal” apology for the actions of an old chum of his, the sado-masochistic John Smyth QC, back in the day when they enjoyed the company of young boys from private schools at summer camps set up by Smyth. Welby says he didn't know that Smyth was thrashing the boys to purge them of their nasty thoughts. Well, someone in the Church knew and they ignored it!

Rise Up you dopes


Tony Blair has returned from his money grubbing life licking the toes of Stalinist tyrants to tell the 16.8 million citizens who advised the British government not to leave the European Union to" rise up". Then again, he may have been telling the 17.2 million citizens who voted to leave the EU they were duped and it is they who should "rise up"!


Raising Malawi although only Madonna thinks it's sinking


Madonna was given permission to adopt two more Malawian children to add to her child collection. Having lost control of her eldest son, Rocco, who prefers the company of his Lock Stock father, the girl from Dunkin' Donuts decided it was time to purchase a few replacements, before daughter Lourdes, fathered by Carlos Leon, (sometime personal trainer,) decides she's had enough of Madonna's Kabbalah ravings about Raising Malawi.


nicolaProof that care in the community is simply not working.

If you see this woman do not approach her!

Call Crime Stoppers on 0800 555 111


Scottish Independence - not in this universe


Scotland's first minister has told the BBC she wants to find a referendum date that both sides can agree on. Nicola Sturgeon is adamant that she will have a second referendum on independence from the the rest of the UK. If Mrs May had her wits about her she would give the Scots their referendum tomorrow and cut Scotland adrift as soon as possible, then England could redirect all it spends propping up the Scots towards social care here in England. Put simply, an independent Scotland would be like Sturgeon and Salmond playing Monopoly without a banker - and as every Greek now knows, it can't be done.

Update: 30/03/17 Scotland's first minister has signed a letter formally asking for powers to hold a second Scottish independence referendum. By December the letter still had not arrived, that's what happens when you let the private sector deliver the post.

Death comes to Westminster


On Wednesday 22 March, mental defective, Khalid Masood, one of his many names, drove a car over Westminster Bridge and killed and injured 50 people. He then entered the grounds of the Palace of Westminster and stabbed an unarmed policeman and was shot by an armed ministerial body guard.

The BBC said it was an attack on democracy, in fact they said it all night long on News 24, over and over again, an attack on democracy. One man with a car and a knife had attacked democracy. Meanwhile, the security services were knocking on No.10 with a shopping list of new demands: keeping us safe is an expensive business.

Masood was a killer plain and simple, born, bred and schooled here in Britain. All the experts, analysts and talking heads that the BBC managed to disinter for comment could never explain the madness of Masood and yet someone keeps paying their wages?

Stop Press 26/03/17: The media, dumbfounded by its inability to explain the madness of Masood, have now decided his journey into terror was "a mystery" and an "impenetrable puzzle".

Trump goes to Specsavers


Following a Sarin chemical attack on women and children by undead crazy Bashar al-Assad, Don Trump retaliated by sending 59 Cruise missiles into Shayrat airbase on Thursday night. The interesting point here is that only about 30 rockets hit anything - it seems like there's a job for Specsavers here.

None of the newspapers had the wit to ask why Trump's magic number was 59 missiles. A Nato insider has told Blast It that the low hit rate is probably explained by the fact that half of the missiles were duds and in fact what occurred was a sophisticated exercise in fly-tipping missiles which were past their sell buy date.

Russian mafia boss, Vlad the Impaler Putin has responded by closing the “deconfliction channel” - sounds painful.


May calls June Election... because "APRIL is the cruellest month"


Prime Minister May surprised every one this week by calling for a snap general election on June 8th. All the surprised media pundits are wasting endless hours trying to discover why she did it. May herself said it was done to silence and crush the saboteurs, that is, the enemies of Brexit, the wreckers.

Little Timmy Farron says he's not forming any alliances with other parties, the poor man obviously believes that some other party may wish to link up with his small band of nine parliamentary warriors. The Green Party seems to be the only likely candidate and they would be most suitable because their band of one would be a formidable addition. UKIP nolonger has any warriors to offer, following the departure of the very confused Douglas Carswell. Although, to be fair to Carswell, would you stay in UKIP with Paul Nuttall leading the 'ban the burka' party. Corbyn's Labour Party are more confused than Carswell and Tom Watson's Labour Party are no more than Tory chai wallahs. And the SNP are just too silly for any other party to be associated with, not even the very nice Green person.

In sum, Timmy need not have worried about offers of help from elsewhere - there were none.


A Garden Bridge too far


London mayor, Sadiq Khan pulled the plug the Johnson/Lumley Garden Bridge folly across the Thames. The Garden Bridge Trust was responsible for realising Thomas Heatherwick’s bridge design. Thus far, the Trust has managed to squander £37.4m, which appears to have vanished into the pockets of people with clipboards and calculators. An investigation carried out by MP Margaret Hodge found the bridge was likely to cost more than £200m.

The Garden Bridge idea won the support of Bonkers Boris Johnson and George Osborne and none less than eminent bridge campaigner Joanna Lumley, who had this to say about bus driver's son Sadiq's decision to ditch the bridge:

“There was so much negativity about this £60m of public money,” she said. “All we heard was £60m, £60m, £60m. But . . . it’ll work out at about 32p a person in the UK. It’s not as if we’re stealing bread from people.”

Joanna is perfectly correct because you cannot even buy a small white loaf for 32p. It's noticeable that she does not trouble herself over the process that put the Heatherwick crew ahead of the other bidders, with far more experience of bridge building. Surely she must be aware that other bidders were denied information about the project, small details like the fact there would be no need to allow for motor vehicles or bicycles in the design.

London Bridge Attack


A van left the road and struck a number of pedestrians on London Bridge. After the van crashed, its three occupants ran to the nearby Borough Market area and began stabbing people in and around restaurants and pubs. Allahu Akbar! they shouted midst the attack, this led police to surmise they were Islamist terrorists.

The Year's Biggest Mistake - Mrs May's General Election


Mrs May's decision to call a snap election must rank as one of the sillier decisions a prime minister has made, certainly on a par with Cameron's decision to hold a referendum on EU membership. She told the world that she needed the election to secure a larger majority for the Conservative Party in order to "strengthen her hand in the forthcoming Brexit negotiations”. This was of course hogwash, she (i.e. her advisors saw) the apparent disarray the Labour Party was in, she believed the polls that told her the Conservative party had a big lead over Labour.

The outcome was a disaster for May, she had a working majority of 17 seats and ended up with a net loss of 13 seats. Labour made a net gain of 30 seats. The other parties little or no progress, some went backwards. The Green Party retained its single seat in Brighton, but saw its share of the vote reduced. The Liberal Democrats made a net gain of four seats. The SNP, which won 56 of the 59 Scottish seats at the previous general election in 2015, lost 21 seats. UKIP, the third-largest party in 2015 by number of votes, saw its share reduced from 12.6% to 1.8%. The signs were that the UK was moving back towards a two-party state.

The Conservatives remained in power as a minority government, having secured a confidence and supply deal with the DUP. Nobody knew what a confidence and supply deal was?

Mrs May sacked her advisors.


May orders a full public inquiry in Grenfell inferno


burnt outGrenfell Tower, now a blackened burnt out shell, was a 24 story storage unit for poor people in the borough of Kensington and Chelsea. Early indications suggest that the inferno, that began as a kitchen fire on the fourth floor, was assisted in its progress by cheap cladding on the exterior of the building, the lack of fire breaks between floors, the absence of sprinklers, no central alarm system, and a dubious new gas installation.

A planning document for the regeneration work on the Tower from 2014 reads: “The changes to the existing tower will improve its appearance especially when viewed from the surrounding area.”

Residents of the Tower are telling the media that was all the refurbishment was about, making the building look more presentable to its surrounding wealthy inhabitants.

As of 1.00pm today the death toll was said to be 18, with 69 in hospital?

Update: 23/06/17, the death toll has risen to 79.

KCTMO boss acquires the sword


Robert Black, who was chief executive of Kensington and Chelsea Tenant Management Organisation (KCTMO) has also fallen on the plastic sword. The KCTMO manages around 10,000 homes in the borough, taking on the responsibility from the council more than two decades ago.

Kensington and Chelsea council still owns the properties and retains responsibility for housing policy. The KCTMO is managed by a board of directors, which is resident-led and acts on behalf of all residents. That board comprises eight elected tenant and leaseholder members, four appointed councillor members and three independent appointed other members

Grenfell, the whitewash begins

The judge heading the public inquiry into the Grenfell Tower fire says he is "doubtful" the process will be as wide-ranging as some residents hope.

Sir Martin Moore-Bick said the probe could be limited to the cause, how it spread, and preventing a future blaze.

We do not need a public inquiry - we need an inquest!

Pass the plastic sword


Kensington and Chelsea Council leader Nick Paget-Brown has resigned. It's been clear from day one after the fire at Grenfell Tower that Paget-Brown was out of his depth, quite hopeless, inept, weak, abject. Initially he hid from the public. When he did appear he made no sense. Now, the only question that remains is, who was actually following this clown's lead.

Rock Feilding-Mellen, deputy council leader and chairman of the housing committee also asked for the sword. It was he who was keen to keep cladding costs on the Tower's refurb' as low as possible. According to residents Feilding-Mellen was totally unresponsive to their concerns, he knew nothing of their world and had no desire to visit it.

Hasty rethink on school fire safety


Last week, in the aftermath of the Grenfell Tower fire, the revised draft guidance on school fire safety had been removed from the DfE website. Amid signs of panic, officials tried to insist that there had never been any intention to change policy.

Last year the DfE watered down fire safety requirements in new schools as a cost cutting measure saying that “school buildings do not need to be sprinkler protected to achieve a reasonable standard of life safety”

Schools’ minister Nick Gibb took this action after being told by the London fire commissioner and the all-party parliamentary group on fire safety that his changes could have “potentially devastating consequences”.

Under the Tory government the proportion of new schools and academies fitted with sprinkler systems had already fallen from 70% (between 2007 and 2010, under Labour) to 35%.

Nick Gibb’s draft suggests sprinkler systems are unnecessary for new schools…. Gibb set out his position in October 2016:

“The department’s assessment is that the additional spending would significantly outweigh any relatively modest saving from preventing some damage to school buildings.” He said the number of fires in schools had declined and pointed out that “including sprinklers in new school buildings would add between 2% and 6% to the cost of works”.


Cladding on 120 high-rise blocks failed fire safety tests. Some councils are asking if tests have been made more rigorous since cladding was fitted. Why don't they know these things?


Learndirect found wanting by Ofsted


Learndirect, which is responsible for the training of almost 73,000 people was described as an “inadequate provider” by Ofsted. The company, which was privatised by David Cameron’s coalition government in 2011 and yet received £158m of Department for Education funding in the year to July 2017.

Learndirect blamed the government’s austerity programme for its failure to meet the education regulator’s minimum quality standards.Which is interesting when you learn that the company is 65%-owned by Lloyds Development Capital, the private equity arm of Lloyds Bank.

The Department for Educationhas said it will not grant Learndirect any new contracts and will cease funding the company by July 2018.


August: the month of hurricanes

In August Hurricane Harvey became the first major hurricane to make landfall in the US since 2005, floods displaced more than 30,000 people. Then along came Hurricane Irma, a category 5 storm which swept across the Caribbean and the Florida Keys. Irma caused catastrophic damage in Barbuda, Saint Barthélemy, Saint Martin, Anguilla, and the Virgin Islands, killing more than 100 people and sparking an international aid appeal. And then Hurricane Maria, became the worst natural disaster on record in Dominica and Puerto Rico, hundreds of people were killed.

SATs for seven-year-olds scrapped from 2023


The first question to ask is why schools have to wait until 2023 before they can forget about these educationally pointless tests. Their only purpose is to allow the government to assess schools, not the children in them. Justine Greening says the tests are being scrapped to “reduce workload and administration burdens on teachers”.

Believe that and you'll probably believe that the Nasa Cassini space mission to Saturn was a spectacular event - apparently it found water! We're sure this is great news for billionaires across the globe planning to board Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic and leave behind the mess they've made here behind them - tickets are a snip at $250,000 a pop. Elon Musk from SpaceX plans to set up on Mars and says he will undercut Branson.


Las Vegas shooting


Unaccountably, another nutter managed to acquire a machine gun and opened fire on concertgoers at the Route 91 Harvest music festival in Las Vegas Strip, killing 58 people dead and injuring more than 500.


How useless is the General Medical Council


Victims of psychopathic surgeon Ian Paterson are to receive a share of £37m compensation, from private company Spire Heathcare and the Heart of England NHS Trust. Paterson performed hundred of unnecessary operation on women who supposedly had breast cancer and he deliberately made a mess of things. The BBC described his behaviour as "in breach of national guidelines." His methods were first investigated in 2003 but it wasn't until 2012 that he was suspended by the General Medical Council, after three reports had been written about behaviour.

The GMC must now instruct all surgeons to publish their outcome data, so that we may discover how many more Paterson's there are in the system.

SATs for seven-year-olds scrapped from 2023


The first question to ask is why schools have to wait until 2023 before they can forget about these educationally pointless tests. Their only purpose is to allow the government to assess schools, not the children in them. Justine Greening says the tests are being scrapped to “reduce workload and administration burdens on teachers”.

Believe that and you'll probably believe that the Nasa Cassini space mission to Saturn was a spectacular event - apparently it found water! We're sure this is great news for billionaires across the globe planning to board Richard Branson's Virgin Galactic and leave behind the mess they've made here behind them - tickets are a snip at $250,000 a pop. Elon Musk from SpaceX plans to set up on Mars and says he will undercut Branson.

Magnetic Failure at Tory Conference



The sign behind Mrs May as she delivered her conference speech on Wednesday started out spelling out the party's message - 'Building a Country That Works For Everyone'. First the F fell off and then as Mrs May coughed her way through the speech, other letters fell off in sympathy. The cough, the falling magnetic letters and then a clown handing Mrs May a P45, supposedly from the prince of clowns, Boris the Buffoon; currently masquerading as the Foreign Secretary. The media made much of the cough, the sign and the joker, telling us that it demonstrated that our leader was incompetent, just a caretaker, hanging on by her fingernails until the party managed to find someone a bit more competent. None of the news outlets reported that this was more a statement on the Tory party than Mrs May.

A party incapable of ensuring the wellbeing of their leader, incapable of employing someone to supply resilient props, incapable of providing security against uninvited guests and uncaring; who among Mrs May's front bench team leapt forward to protect her from the P45 joker - not one, they sat there like the stooges they are.

It took the mainstream media two days to mention some of the content from Mrs May's speech. In particular, they noticed that she talked about a British Dream that her party was in the midst of promoting. All very interesting but what was this British Dream, sadly, no one knew?




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Stop feeding burnt toast to your pets!


The Food Standards Agency have issued cautionary advice that burnt toast, biscuits, cakes, chips, crisps and roast potatoes contain acrylamide – formed in the high-temperature cooking of starchy foods – which causes cancer in animals. There is no conclusive evidence that acrylamides in food causes human cancers. So presumably the FSA advice is only useful for pet owners and farmers - don't share your crisps and biscuits with your pet.

Interestingly, the EU Commission dropped their intention to introduce a law to curb foods with excess acrylamide, such as crisps and some biscuits. This was due to heavy lobbying from the food giants which led to a policy retreat by the Commission.

Dementia Cure Found


American Kevin Curry and his mother Mary found a way to cure Kevin's father, 76 year old Roger, of his dementia. The pair flew Roger to the UK and dumped him in a Hereford car park in 2015, minus any kind of identification.

Bowling Green Massacre


A woman paid by Donald Trump to explain his nuttiness told a TV interviewer that Trump's ban on seven Muslim countries was fully justified in light of the of the Iraqi inspired Bowling Green Massacre of 2011. Trump's nutty spokeswoman, Kellyanne Conway, woke up the next morning and realised that she had 'misspoke'. There never was a massacre at Bowling Green, Kentucky and there is no such word as 'misspoke'. Totally nuts!

'Shoot to Kill' Cressida Dick returns


In a three horse race, Cressida Dick has won the top job at the Met, when the Total Policeman hangs up his truncheon. She said was "thrilled and humbled” to be appointed. The family of Jean Charles de Menezes were less than thrilled that the woman in charge of the men who shot Jean Charles in 2005 has been rewarded with a salary £270,648, plus benefits. He was mistakenly identified as a terror suspect. But no one was held to account for killing him.

Remember, we'll have no running on Dick's watch!

McGuinness gone


Martin McGuinness, died aged 66, was the former IRA commander who became Sinn Féin’s chief negotiator in the Northern Ireland 'peace process' that led to the Good Friday agreement of 1998. Then, nine years on he acted as deputy first minister with Peter Robinson and Arlene Foster until resigning in January this year. Gerry Adams told us he was a freedom fighter not a terrorist and lying silly buggers, Tony Blair and Bill Clinton, told us what a bloody good bloke he was and how there would have been no peace process without him. Meanwhile, 20 years on, the killings, bombings and punishment beatings continue in Northern Ireland.

Carswell leaves UKIP


Douglas Carswell, UKIP's only MP has left the party and is now calling himself, an independent and he will "continue to hold the government to account". He says he has left UKIP "amicably". Which is of course complete and utter BS. Carswell days in UKIP were numbered, Paul Nuttall thinks he's a wanker, Farage detests him, and party banker Owen Banks wants Carswell to hold a by-election so that he can stand against him.

Update: 7/04/17, Mark Reckless has ditched UKIP and seems to think that the Conservatives want him back, there's a rumour they don't.

Jessa has an idea


The Labour leader announced his plans to fix the problems of English education, by providing free dinners for all primary school children. Someone told him that children who get a good dinner perform better academically. Whilst true in part it does not apply to all children - it mainly applies to children who are poorly fed at home. Mr Corbyn said he would charge VAT on private school fees to pay the £1.5b that his idea would require. This brainwave is not a new idea. It came from the Fabian Society back in 2010, then the idea was to use the money to fund a larger pupil premium; Corbyn just changed it to fit his free school dinners idea. However, the pupil premium is not the same as supplying free school meals, the premium does not require cooking facilities or space to seat increased numbers of diners - £1.5b will not cover it!

French Election


The centrist Emmanuel Macron and far-right leader Marine Le Pen have won the first round of voting in French presidential elections

The pair now face a run-off vote on 7 May.

Update: Macron won and then went on to discover he knows nothing about being a president.

The Armenian Genocide


Trump refuses to call the killing of 1.5 million genocide. It seems he didn't want to upset Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan - a man who does not acknowledge any Armenian deaths between 1915 and 1920 at the hands of his barbaric forbears.

Tiny Tim says fairwell


We can only wonder where the humour in politics will come from now that Lib-Dem leader Tim Farron has decided to stand down as party leader.

Tim departed saying: “we are kidding ourselves if we think we yet live in a tolerant, liberal society”. Well done to Tim for noticing but we suspect he left due to the fact that people were becoming intolerant of his hardly liberal views on homosexuality.

The best that the Lib-Dems could do was replace Tim with 75 year old Vince Cable, who spends every waking hour waiting for a second referendum.

Magic Money Tree


During the a TV debate in the run up to the election Theresa May told a nurse that there was no 'magic money tree'. However, it now turns out that she was lying. There must be a magic money tree, how else can we account for the £1bn the Tories found to buy ten DUP votes - to repeat, that's £100m for each vote.

Queen gets pay rise

The Queen is set to receive a £40m pay rise. The Keeper of the Privy Purse, Sir Alan Reid, said the Sovereign Grant cost everyone in the UK 65p a year - equivalent to a first class stamp. Well, that's all right then. It's nice to know that life on Royal Benefits Street is such a cheap affair.

Hillsborough: CPS to prosecute


The cost of investigations, enquires, inquests, etc., to date, £100 million. And the IPCC is still investigating the West Midlands Police.

Read the full story....

Panic in Camden


Cladding on 60 high-rise buildings across 25 local authority areas in England has failed fire safety tests. Camden residents in a Swiss Cottage, Rydon clad tower, were told to move in the middle of the night. Up to 200 residents are refusing to move - fearing this could lead to social cleansing.

May adopts Labour manifesto


You may recall that it was George Osborne who decided that the only response to the global financial crash was austerity. George took this action back in 2010 when the Con-Dem coalition came to office. In fact, every finance minister across the globe thought that austerity was the only solution to the crisis.

After a couple of years of such foolishness, the rest of the globe realised they were being quite silly and they ended their cuts and fiscal restraint. Dim witted George and his Tory chums persisted with the austerity theme.

Theresa May sacked George when she became PM and now she has decided to dump austerity and stop fretting over the deficit. On hearing of May's post-election change of direction, George said:

"That would risk repeating the mistakes of the past" and it would lead to a "loss of economic credibility".

Talking about credibility, let's remind ourselves that it was dim George who abandoned his bid to restore government finances to a surplus by 2020, before he was sacked.

Cladding update

Testing: odd goings on

Apparently there's an expert panel somewhere who thought it was a good idea to use a private company, the Building Research Establishment, to test the cladding used on Grenfell Tower (and other highrise buildings at risk) and to involve a company called Boothmurie to assist in the testing. Boothmurie is a subsidiary of Kingspan, producers of some of the insulation used in the Grenfell cladding.

Note: Sajid Javid is Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government and is responsible for Building Regulations.


The 2017 Nobel Prize for Economics goes to?


Relax, it wasn't George Osborne. It was in fact, US academic Richard Thaler and he picked up a cheque for £800,000 plus, for his work on Behavioural Economics. Thaler's ideas on 'nudging' have been much employed here by the Tory government's Behavoural Insight Team. This team was set up by David Cameron to nudge citizens in the direction that he thought they should be going.

Someone gave Cameron some lines to say that explains what the Team was up to:

‘Today we can’t escape the fact that many of our most severe health problems are caused, in part, by the wrong personal choices. Obesity, binge-drinking, smoking and drug addiction are putting millions of lives at risk and costing our health services billions a year. So getting to grips with them requires an altogether different approach to the one we have seen before. We need to promote more responsible behaviour and encourage people to make the right choices about what they eat, drink and do in their leisure time.’ (David Cameron, foreword, A Healthier Nation, Policy Green Paper No.12, Conservative Party.)

So, if you find yourself going in a direction not of your choosing, someone may well have nudged you. That's the thing about nudging, it works subtly, under the radar. The Nobel Prize judges certainly fell for it!



Mugabe goes, unfortunately they didn't shoot him.

After 37 years in power, spent destroying Zimbabwe Robert Mugabe resigned. He did really resign, the silly old sod didn't know what day it was. He will not be missed

Trump moves Israel's Capital


Citizens of Israel went to bed on Wednesday night and woke up on Thursday to discover that their capital was nolonger Tel Aviv. Mad as a box of spanners president of the US, Don the Trump, moved it over night to Jerusalem. Violence flared. Iranian clerics called for rage. Palestinians burnt American flags. And, quite unwell in the head himself, India's PM Narendra Modi refused to recognise Jerusalem and is planning to visit to protest personally.

Brexit on track


Great news but Brexit was never off track, David Davis and Michel Barnier were always going to find agreement. Just like when we go forward to stage two talks on trade, they will agree. The Euro side are pretending to play hard ball because if they make leaving look easy they will see a queue forming and then their federalist dream will be dead - currently, it's merely rotting.

Missing Impact Assessments


David Davis, supposedly our Brexit Secretary, was told by Parliament in November to hand over his post-Brexit impact assessments. Davis's Baldricks worked all night downloading all the information on the Internet concerning the British economy and handed over 850 pages of rubbish.

Today the twerp was called before the Select Committee on Brexit to account of his childish behaviour. Under questioning he said there were no impact assessments and that the decision to leave the EU was taken without giving its impact a second thought - obviously!

Royal engagement

Prince Harry thrilled royal fans by announcing his engagement to American actress Meghan Markle.