Silly Person of the Year Award

1st Place John Chilcot

Sir John (not yet a Lord) Chilcot comes pretty high on the list of silly persons, as a one-time civil servant his performance was unremarkable, suggesting that his choosing for the Iraq inquiry is a trifle suspicious. We now know that his inquiry has been held up for a year by the Cabinet Office's refusal to hand over conversations between the liar Blair and the lunatic Bush. We also know that Chilcot was under no compulsion to go down the time-wasting maxwellisation process - the inquiry into the Mid Staffs abattoir chose not to pander to the hurt feelings of the guilty parties. We also know that Chilcot was offered extra bodies to carry out his work but he declined the offer. If Chilcot is not silly then he has allowed others to make him look silly and for that he should be ennobled immediately!

In February Chilcot appeared before one of those pointless Parliamentary committees that ask a series of questions that we already know the answers to. The episode was hardly inquisitorial, Chilcot spent most of the time like a man talking to himself in the bathroom mirror. When he did acknowledge that he was being asked a question, he failed to provide any answers. He did not know when the people being Maxwellised would respond to his request for comments. He could not or would not say how many people were being Maxwellised. He does not know when he will publish his report. At £800 a day you might suppose he would be a bit better informed. At 75 years of age it is not even certain that he will live to finish his report, although exhaustion will not be a factor in his demise.

Chilcot deserves to be praised for providing further evidence of how an elitist establishment mocks a citizenry who are being asked to conspire in their own mockery by believing that Chilcot's sloth like inquiry has anything to do with democratic accountability.

Chilcot tells us that he spent 13 months jousting with with former Tony Blair foot stool Sir Jeremy Hayward, over what conversations between Blair and Bush could and could not be released to the public. The Sir Jeremy's of this world are not saying that we can't handle the truth, he and his chums have decided that American sensibilities are far more important than the truth.

Note: Maxwellisation is the process of providing those whose actions appear in a report the chance to respond before a final version of the report is published. Unfortunately, it does not mean that they will be taken out to sea and thrown overboard.

Update: Chilcot says he will be ready to publish his report in July 2016.

2nd Place Kim Jong Un

It can take the uninitiated a minute to realize that “Gangnam Style” is satire but if your name is Kim Jong Un it may take you a bit longer, especially if you believe that PSY, the K-pop star is really impersonating you, by way of tribute.

Still if you are the North Korean bloater boy you can get some relief from the mockery of the global community by feeding your relatives to savage dogs or building a ski slope in a country where no one can afford a set a skies.

3rd Place James Brokenshire

Immigration Minister Brokenshire said that reducing net migration is still an "ambition". He said this in a week when we were told that net Migration stood at 330,000 for the past year, that's a 28% increase over last year. His idiot boss, Dave, you will remember, pledged to reduce immigration to tens of thousands.

Dave, himself, proved yet again that his own silliness lays way beyond the Silly Person judges remit after ennobling Douglas Hogg, who claimed MP expenses for having his moat cleaned. Every Tory rag in the land including the Times, Telegraph and even the Daily Mail criticized Dave's latest slap in the face for the electorate: that is, providing a contemptible group of lickspittles with a tax free £300, plus expenses for doing nothing, except turning up.

4th Place Tristram Hunt

Tristram is wasting his time, he's in the wrong party. Currently, he is the Labour MP for Stoke-on-Trent Central. He's been an MP since 2010, he is perhaps better known as an author and journalist and former Shadow Education Secretary. His most famous utterance: "nuns do not make good teachers". He apologised for his nuns remark? In February 2014, Hunt crossed a picket line at Queen Mary University to teach his students about Marx, Engels and the Making of Marxism, saying he was not a member of the union. Um, we wonder if Marxism was made by crossing picket lines? Tristram is just too confused, soggy, wet, to be of any use. He gave up his 'shadow' role, saying that Labour was in danger of turning into a sect. We think he meant that it may start believing in something again.


Super Highway to nowhere


"Access to the internet shouldn't be a luxury, it should be a right - absolutely fundamental to life in 21st Century Britain," thus spoke our great leader. Mr Cameron promised to get a 10Mbps to those hard to reach locations, i.e. the places that the telcos can't be bothered with. All this will apparently happen by 2020. You may recall that silly ex-Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt, in 2012, promised us "the fastest broadband of any major European country" by 2015.

BT is the company being paid to drive the super highway project, they have already had £1bn from the tax payer, they may reach 95% of the population by 2017 but it's unlikely that that elusive 5% will be having their data hacked anytime soon. And they may well still be shopping in their local shops.

Tory Manifesto Pledge: "We will protect children"


Three quarters of all child protection departments across the country are not fit for purpose. Ofsted said!

Edward Timpson MP is the Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Children & Families. Timpson is more shadow than man of substance, never seen or heard in public. However his responsibilities are boundless, they include: adoption, fostering and residential care home reform; child protection; special educational needs; family law and justice; children’s and young people’s services; school sport and more.

Timpson then must be responsible for the failure of child protection in England that Ofsted point to? This might explain why he prefers to keep his head down. And after revelations from Rochdale, Rotherham and Oxford, who can blame shadow man for moving under the radar like Jack Straw.

Surely, the Tory manifesto would have much to say about addressing child protection failure throughout the land. Well, actually no. All it says is:

"We will continue to raise the quality of children’s social work, by expanding training programmes, such as Frontline, and creating new opportunities to develop the next generation of leaders in the field."

Celebration for a psychopath


Henry VII paid £60 for Richard III's tomb. That was in 1495, today that would buy you a BMW 4 Series Convertible. If you find that fact remotely interesting, you were probably one of those who stood and gawped as Richard's bones were paraded through the streets of Leicester.

What kind of lunacy was this, 35,000 turned out to watch the funeral possession of a psychopath who died 500 years ago. Predictably, flower throwing extras from the funeral of the People's Princess were in attendance, alongside others bused in from Brize Norton and Wootton Bassett - there to add audience participation and interactivity to the proceedings.

Flower throwers aside, it would be foolish to ask what all these people were doing or why they turned out to watch a bag of bones roll by? It's like asking why a dog chases its own tail, obviously because it's got nothing better to do. Not much happens in Leicester, finding Richard in that supermarket car park changed all that. Thus far, 250,000 people have paid £7.85 to see the hole in the car park where the bones were found. The site is laughingly called a Visitor Centre but it's hard to disguise the fact that you have just paid a kingly sum to stair at an empty hole. And over at Leicester Cathedral, a queue of 5000 formed to view the coffin; business is brisk in tea towels, mugs, key rings and other useless objects with Richard III printed on them.

Interest Rate to rise


Mark Carney, governor of the Bank of England, finally provided the world with some 'forward guidance', when he announced this week that interest rates would rise by the end of the year or perhaps early next year

The world may have forgotten the notion of forward guidance but it was Carney's attempt to differentiate himself from the spectator of financial chaos who preceded him. Carney really is what they used to call 'a placeman' in the 18th century. Over his time in post he has done and said nothing of any note, which is exactly what he gets paid to do.

Update, December, The Bank of England Biscuit Committee announced that there would be no increase in the interest rate. It is unknown how many biscuits and cups of tea were consumed to arrive at this momentous decision.

Gove and prison education


It seems that Gove just can't get over his failure as education secretary and now seems determined to address failure elsewhere, in the prison estate, by using education to solve all the problems of Britain's prison system. A prison system that the Inspector for Prisons says is in a mess, "places of violence, squalor and idleness".

In a typical Tory sound bite Gove said he would end the "idleness and futility" of prison life. However, Gove was shoved off of his soapbox by shadow justice secretary and wallpaper expert, Lord Falconer:

"How can prisons focus on improving the quality of education when violence and drug-taking are rife, there is persistent overcrowding and serious assaults on staff are rising?" He forgot to mention staff shortages, especially in the training department. Also, and not a minor detail, a huge number of inmates are drug and alcohol dependent, the majority are mentally disturbed - not exactly fertile ground for a prison education revolution.


Andrew Mitchell said "Ouch!"


We learnt today that PC Toby Rowland is due to receive £80,000 in libel damages from Mitchell, who if you need reminding called Toby a pleb. This follows an award of £300,000 to the Police Federation for court costs. And waiting to be announced, Mitchell's pay out to the Sun, something between £2m and £3m is expected.

It now seems clear that Mitchell should never have started playing Duplicity, the board game designed for politicians who lie for a living.

However, another matter needs explaining. Like, why is Mitchell still an MP? Yes, that's right, it's because his MP chums will not indorse the Recall Bill.

Why is Mitchell being paid a fortune for offering financial advice to huge corporations and the super-rich. Obviously because he is providing information and access they do not have. But how on earth can they overlook this man's record. When he was development secretary he restarted aid to Rwanda, after it had been halted due to the support it was giving to the extremely nasty M23 in the Congo. A Select Committee managed to establish that Mitchell had decided all on his own that Rwanda was nolonger supporting M23.

More importantly, Mitchell is now a known and proven liar - let's hope that the citizens of Sutton Coldfield care more about Mitchell's veracity than the money grubbers.

Update: Mitchell was returned as MP for Sutton Coldfield at the 2015 general election, with his majority increased by 0.6%?

Theresa May goes the extra mile


Well, actually she went 12,000 miles to find someone to head up her inquiry in to historic child sex abuse. She has now, hopefully, found someone untainted by the old boy establishment and friends of the Paedophile Information Exchange in the shape of New Zealand judge Lowell Goddard. Lowell says she's up for the challenge and has decided that she will not be publishing before 2018. Worryingly, she is already talking about learning from past mistakes. What's to learn, just tell us who the child buggers were and tell us who covered up for them - name them all, the politicians, the civil servants, the policeman, the clerics and the children's charities who ignored the cries for help.

The Incompetence of Theresa May


May's decision to scrap the historic Child Sex Abuse Panel that she set up last year is either incompetent or an act of nasty cynicism. She must be very stupid not to appreciate that her Panel have been interviewing 'survivors', the victims of abuse for past three months. Those victims and the interviewing panel members believed they were taking part in an honest process, designed to root out the disgusting and vile behaviour of a cabal of establishment abusers. Now they have been let down by the Home Secretary's decision to set another panel, as yet unspecified. What is May up to? Does she really think that the victims of abuse are going to go through the whole process again, to relive every ghastly moment of their abuse? There's something unsavoury going on.


Greece reveals the failure of the Eurozone


When the IMF says the latest deal for Greece is a waste of time, then, after a pause for astonishment for a global agency, with a history of failed interventions, we know that the system is broken. The IMF with its knowledge of failure cannot be wrong, servicing Greek debt, which is all that is happening, is like keeping someone on life support, who is well past their sell by date.

The Greek fiasco reveals that the Eurozone project is unworkable, it was always unworkable.

DSK: Life is not full of surprises


Former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn (DSK) was acquitted this week of procuring prostitutes for sex parties, i.e. pimping. His trial has been described in the French press as a joke.

This man was once in charge of the IMF until a hotel maid accused him of rape, which for some reason she later withdrew. Now, he wants to be the president of France, only the small matter of a pimping charge to get round. He got round it.

Lord Janner: "I don't believe it!"


The DPP told us this week that Lord Janner is too demented to mount a defence against those who accuse him of sexual abuse, going back decades. Janner's old MP chums and lords a leaping don't believe that Janner, the jolly good egg, could have engaged in child buggery. Ed Miliband says he was shocked to hear of the allegations. We wonder whether he was more or less shocked than Nick Clegg, when he found out, belatedly, about the disgusting Cyril Smith.

However, we also learnt this week, that former DPP, Lord MacDonald, was not told in 2007 that a case against Janner had been dropped by 'local' CPS people. Unbelievable, the idea that some 'locals' would take it upon themselves to drop a high profile case without telling the guy in charge? But be reassured, he tells us now:

"If it had been referred to me, I would certainly have given it my close and robust personal attention."

Janner should have been arrested at least three times over the past 30 years. The police had enough evidence of his child abuse but the man never came before the courts. Why wasn't Janner pursued, who were the senior police figures who told their troops to drop the Janner cases? Ah but, it's foolish to ask such questions, when we have a prime minister in David Cameron, who believes that 'we can't know anything because there's nothing to know'. By which he means, incidentally, because all the evidence keeps going missing.

We do know that the police were just about to pounce on Janner when Alison Saunders, currently heading up the CPS, pulled the plug, due to Janner's mental state - "not in the public interest", she said. We think that's political speak for 'the public don't need to know'.

We could ask 'What about the victims' interests'. How will they be served having been denied their day in court? Saunders has the answer, they can tell the Historic Child Sex Abuse Panel all they know, which will gain them the sum of nothing.

Alternatively, if they want some retribution, they can sue Janner for his pension and tough luck if he's too demented to turn up.

Readers' Note: The Attorney General, Jeremy Wright, has oversight for the CPS and can if he chooses, decide to prosecute?

Update, December:

Lord Janner is expected to face a “trial of the facts” after both prosecution and defence agreed he was unfit to stand trial for the alleged sexual abuse of nine boys and men. However, this exercise will be pointless as he will never be found guilty of anything. Unfortunately, Janner died on December 19th.


BBC licence fee - the future

A Poll Tax on all your houses


Tony Hall, BBC director general, thinks the licence fee is good for another 10 years. He wants to modernise the licence fee for what he calls the Internet Age. Basically, he's talking about charging people for using iPlayer online. He says:

"...we’re not trying to sell anything” "We're not Amazon.."

Skillfully overlooking the BBC's market activities with BBC Worldwide, BBC Asia, BBC America, BBC Africa. Also, and outrageously, he misses the irony that selling BBC services online, including BBC3, makes his outfit just like Amazon.

The Commons culture, media and sport committee sees the free use of iPlayer as a 'loophole' that enables licence dodgers to watch telly without paying for it. They too fail on the irony front, no one asked the BBC to make their programming available for free on the Internet.

Fear not, the politicians on the committee are full of ideas to make the dodgers pay. Well, in fact, they intend to make everybody pay. One of their more worrying suggestions is to introduce a household levy, i.e. a sort of poll tax that every household pays whether they have a telly or view programmes on the Internet or not. Mr Hall gave his full support to this idea and why wouldn't he, it signals longevity for his moribund institution. Tony is not happy with the idea of decriminalising licence fee dodging, after all its fines bring in £200m a year.

On a positive note the committee are seriously questioning the existence of the BBC Trust and suggest replacing it with an external watchdog. They have also suggested that the Audit Office, be brought in to check the BBC’s financial accounts – something the Beeb has long resisted. And why wouldn't they resist, the licence fee gives them £4bn to play with and much to discover about where all the money goes and indeed has gone - executive pay and payoffs, and just as questionable, payments for bought in programmes like the woeful Voice.

It's worth noting that no one is talking about introducing advertising and abolishing the licence or perhaps a better idea, if Tony Hall wants to modernise, introduce a subscription model and then BBC Trust will discover how much the public value all those repeats.



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Following the Paris climate summit, 195 counties reached an agreement to reduce emissions. Newspapers across the globe hailed the agreement as "historic". They should have added 'but unlikely'.

Talk of saving the planet is all good but the evidence of current practice suggests its all emotional hot air. Green technology is in decline here. Subsidies to householders installing rooftop solar panels have been cut by 65% just days after the Paris Climate Change bash. Elsewhere, for larger projects cuts have been made to the renewables obligation scheme. The impact of these cuts could be up to 18,000 job losses in the industry. And let's not forget that George Osborne scrapped a £1bn carbon capture scheme recently.


The last deep coal mine, at Kellingley, was closed on Friday 18th December, not because it had no coal but because the Russians are giving the stuff away.

Interesting fact: The National Union of Mineworkers used to have over 500,000 members and has just 100 following the closure of Kellingley.


Hillsborough: 26 years after


New inquests into the deaths of the 96 Liverpool supporters who died at Hillsborough on April 15th 1989 are taking place in Warrington. Although, unless you're keen follower of the news, you wouldn't know it.

The main stream media seemed to think that the antics of man-boy Jeremy Clarkson far more important. Clarkson beat up his producer in an argument over dinner offerings and ended up getting the boot from the BBC.

However, a significant moment arrived at the inquest when David Duckenfield, the man in charge of policing on the day 96 people died, finally admitted it was his fault.

No, wait a moment, he actually said, he made a "serious mistake". And the mistake was? Taking on the job of looking after a football match in the first place.

He told the inquest "...probably I wasn’t the best man for the job on the day.” Well, that's all right then, isn't it?

However,, Duckenfield actually admitted that he lied about not opening the gate that allowed too many people into the ground. Asked why he lied, he said he didn't know. Perhaps, one day, he will tell us more about the police cover up of events on the day?

Assisted Dying


Your elected politicians, debating the Assisted Dying Bill, decided that you do not have the right to choose when you die, unless you can afford to take yourself off to Dignitas. What you need to understand is, it's not your life, you just think it is. You need to remember the deaths at Mid Staffs, 1200 hundred in case you've forgotten. Also, we just do not know how many people have been, and are being, helped on their way by the medics. We know that vast numbers of citizens have been helped on their way down the Liverpool Care Pathway - the medics can dress it up anyway they like but we know assisted dying when we see it.

MPs who voted against the Bill are confident that they are protecting your vulnerability at the end of days. Amongst their number there is at least one lunatic, Dr Philippa Whitford, the SNP's health spokesperson, who argued that with good palliative care the "journey can lead to a beautiful death". I don't know about you but that's biggest load of bollocks I've heard since Tony Blair last opened his mouth. And shall we now expect Dr Whitford to head up a new debate, the Beautiful Death Bill, guaranteeing fire works, ice cream and jelly, and a wise-cracking comedian just before the lights go out.


Care Cost Cap postponed


Coalition plans to introduce a £72,000 cap on care home costs next year has been put off until 2020. The cap on the amount self-funders will have to contribute to their care costs was due to be introduced from April 2016. Costs were to be limited to £72,000 for over 65s and younger adults with disabilities. Although the economist, Andrew Dilnot who did the groundwork for the Care Act 2014 suggested that a cap of £35,000 would be fair.

Two other key reforms have also been postponed until April 2020:

A duty on councils to meet the eligible needs of self-funders in care homes at their request and a more generous means test for residential care that the government estimated would have benefited an extra 23,000 people in 2016-17 alone.

However, the scheme is unaffordable according to the Local Government Association, i.e. £6bn over the next five years and with the government's continued austerity measures, there is no way that local authorities can afford it. The unknown question here is what will George Osborne do with the £6bn he saves?

Rochdale abuse: another sorry, that's it, that's all you're getting...


An inquiry into the handling of child sexual abuse cases by Greater Manchester Police concluded that all the agencies involved failed in their duty to the victims. Put simply, the police in particular blamed the victims, not the perpetrators.

Interestingly, the Chief Constable told us that it was the system that had failed. Why he was asked were no police officers called to account, they were, said he, they were told off but they couldn't be blamed due the failures of the system. There was one that could be blamed but he jumped ship and retired.

It remains a puzzle as to how a senior police officer managed to abstract the inaction his men from the system.

Assistant Chief Constable Dawn Copley assured us that lessons had been learned.

Volunteering: breathtaking idea from Prime Minister


In an effort to re-start his Big Society gimmick and boost Tory election chances, it looked like Call Me Dave had seen off the opposition with a most splendid idea - volunteering and, getting paid to do it!

To be precise the plan was that companies with more than 250 employees would allow them to have three days off a year to do a bit of volunteering. When Dave announced the idea he sounded a trifle cockahoop:

“This is the clearest demonstration of the big society in action – and I’m proud it’s a Conservative government that will deliver it.”

Now, there are a couple things to wonder about here. Why wasn't this idea introduced by the Minister for Civil Society, that is, Rob Wilson. Never heard of him? Well, he replaced silly Brooks Newmark, in September last year, and silly Brooks replaced Nick (seldom) Hurd who was Dave's Big Society man from 2010. Given that the Big Society was supposed to be the instrument of social change, odd that the men charged with managing the instrument has been so silent.

Bernard Hogan Howe says sorry


Appearing before the Home Affairs Select Committee the Total Policeman was saying sorry to the parents of the three school girls who took themselves off to Syria.

Apparently, a letter concerning a friend of the girls', who had already gone to join the Jihadists was sent to the girls, by the school, instead of the parents.

Bernard was as ever on top form, he himself, as ever, knew nothing, but he did know that with hindsight,

..."we now know that these girls were planning to go and neither the family, the police, the school nor anyone else realised that,"

And of the letter, he said, "it just didn't get through". Priceless!

Rotherham Council: Good Riddance


Following the publication of Louise Casey's report into child sexual exploitation in Rotherham, the entire council resigned and ran for the shadows. These people knew of the abuse occurring on their watch, they ignored and conspired in it, brainwashed by too many diversity seminars. The chief perpetrators were Pakistani and council officials could not bring themselves to face up to the issue of race and immorality. We can only wonder why the whole of South Yorkshire Police did not resign as well. If anything the behaviour of the police towards victims and their families was itself criminal. They say the IPCC is investigating ten officers from South Yorks Police. So we can expect that to get lost in the back of someone's filing cabinet.

Let's remind ourselves that last year's report into abuse in Rotherham by Alexis Jay found that children as young as 11 "were raped by large numbers of male perpetrators, beaten, intimidated and trafficked to other cities in England." We are not talking about a few isolated cases, local MP Sarah Champion said that she thinks the number abused could be as many as 2,000.

At the minimum the shadow people should never be allowed to hold public office ever again.

Prince Andrew and the Sex Offender


Florida court named Prince Andrew in connection with the alleged sex trafficking activities of Jeffrey Epstein. Unusually and even astonishingly, Buckingham Palace released a rare public statement:
“This relates to long-running and ongoing civil proceedings in the United States to which the Duke of York is not a party,” it said. “As such we would not comment in detail. However, for the avoidance of doubt, any suggestion of impropriety with underage minors is categorically untrue.”
To be precise, since Prince Andrew was named in the motion filed at the the Florida court, he has been named as being a party. We do know that Epstein is a known underage sex offender and has served time for his perversions. Epstein only served 13 months in prison, having struck a deal with prosecutors. And most of his accusers were paid off in out of court settlements.

Jeffrey Epstein is a very wealthy man, nobody knows what he's worth, he keeps all his money in the Virgin Isles. Also, we may wonder what Prince Andrew's association with Epstein was all about. We know that Andrew was there to greet Epstein on his release from prison in 2009 and clearly Andrew had no qualms about associating with a registered sex offender. However, by 2011, Andrew's minders must have told him the association was not worth a few free holidays.


Tories set to scrap Independent Living Fund

Compassionate Conservatism swung its axe again in June by scrapping the Independent Living Fund (ILF). The ILF is a payment to disabled people to provide care and to make life at least tolerable. ILF was closed to new entrants in 2010.

Scrapping the fund will affect up to 18,000 disabled people. These people now fear that they will no longer be able to live and work in the community and will be forced back into care homes. Out of sight and mind.

As from June Local Authorities will be expected take on the responsibility for those currently receiving ILF. That would be the same Local Authorities that this Tory government is starving of funds.

The government says it's not scrapping the fund but rather devolving it. The reality of this strategy is that initially a slice of money will be provided to Local Authorities then that will cease and councils will be expected to use existing care and support budgets.

Highlights from the G7 - with comments


• Britain is leading the way on anti-corruption measures - pure nonsense
• Progress on EU/US trade deal - progress for who, multinational companies only
• Extra 125 British personnel to be deployed to Iraq to help tackle Isil threat - about as much use as a bucket of sand
• G7 is united on existing sanctions against Russia over Ukraine crisis - Vlad the Impaler thinks that sanctions are good for the Russian peoples - it saves him a fortune on anti-western propaganda.

The Sound of One Hand Clapping


Common's Speaker, Bercow told new SNP MPs not to clap. Bercow should not forget that lunatic dictator Alexander Lukashenko made the mistake of banning clapping in Belarus in 2011. Chanting and carrying placards had already been outlawed by Mob Boss Lukashenko, so protesters had taken to clapping at rallies. Clapping was banned and so protesters protested in silence.

Admittedly, Harvard University did award Lukashenko their prestigious Idoits Award but he created a major problem for the staging of public events in his fiefdom - the peasants refused to applaud anything.

Now, it may be the case that Bercow is hopeful that Harvard will take note of his intercession against the SNP interlopers. However, it is a trifle odd that a reforming Speaker like Bercow should cling to the historical precedent that frowns on clapping in the House but allows making animal noises, which is the traditional way for British politicians to show approval or dissent - the sound of one hand clapping would be the better option.

Iraqi soldiers ran away from Ramadi


U.S. Defense Secretary Ash Carter was scathing about Iraqi troops who ran away from the fight to retake the city from ISIS. He said the Iraqis lacked the will to fight although they outnumbered the jihadists ten to one. We have to acknowledge that the U.S. knows a thing or two about running away, e.g. Vietnam. However, we have some news for Secretary Carter's information, it is not will that's the soldiers' problem, it's being Sunni that's the problem.


HSBC and tax evaders and avoiders


In 2010 HMRC received a list of HSBC private bank account holders in Switzerland. Thus far they have only managed to recoup £135m from details of 3,600 business and individual accounts and have only one successful prosecution. This dreadful performance is due to the culture of HMRC towards wealthy tax dodgers, preferring to conciliate rather than prosecute. And the cosy relationship between big business and the tax man is unlikely to change anytime soon. The coalition government defends itself by claiming that it has done more than any government to tackle the dodgers. The truth is they cannot provide verifiable evidence of the success of their measures, claims made by the CPS, regarding successful prosecutions, are also unverifiable.


Public Health England: says "Don't Eat Daffodils"


Public Health England, having made a mess of this seasons flu jabs, only managing to protect an estimated three percent of those inoculated, decided to regain some public confidence by issuing a daffodil warning.

PHE has written to the supermarkets asking them to keep their daffodil displays away from veg' in their stores, just in case the flower bulbs get mistaken for onions. Last year, according the Daily Mail, 27 people were treated after eating daffodils they mistook for onions. Hardly a national crisis and it probably had nothing to do with the proximity of bulbs to onions. It is far more likely that those people struck down by the daffodil were victims of the Jamie Oliver school of cooking - chuck in whatever comes to hand, add pepper, the dust from an old sleeve, a bit of grass, simmer in last week's gravy for ten minutes and enjoy.


Cameron: tilting at windmills again


This time he's picking a fight with the "cancer of corruption". When he should be more concerned with the despicable performance of Iain Duncan Smith's (IDS) Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) and their private contractors Atos barbaric handling of disabled peoples' Personal Independence Payments.

Our great leader, Dave, has been saying that we do not point the finger and talk enough about corruption and he will use this year's G7 bash to highlight this oversight. Apparently, the assault on Fifa has encouraged Dave to take up his cudgel against global corruption and its damaging cost to business. He will not however be pointing the finger at British businesses who oil the wheels of their deals with a little bit of payola. So we can expect a lot of high minded talk from him and others in the G7 gang and then it will business as usual. The World Bank says that corruption adds 10% to business costs globally, that's about $650bn. Very interesting but so what, one man's corruption is another man's transfer payment.

And it's transfer payments that Dave has a problem with, specifically in relation to the transition from Disability Living Allowance (DLA) to Personal Independence Payments (PIPs). A high court judge has just ruled that delays in making payments by the DWP to two claimants were unreasonable and unlawful. Don't start cheering yet, this case did not set a precedent.

The DWP plans to get rid of DLA and replace it with PIPs has gone seriously wrong - for the nation's most seriously ill citizens. People have had their DLA ended before their PIP assessment has been made, leaving them destitute, some for up to a year and more. The DWP has refused to pay compensation for the delays and expects people with nothing to use premium rate phone numbers to chase up their missing claims; these phone numbers are making the DWP £50m a year.

The transition from DLA to PIPs has now been ongoing for over two years. The move to replace DLA was inspired by IDS's belief in spontaneous recovery from conditions like blindness, Parkinson's disease and MS. You see, until IDS arrived at the DWP, DLA payments were for life time awards. PIPs will be assessed every 18 months, you know how slippery some people with incurable conditions can be?

Minister for Disabled People Justin Tomlinson said, "The average new PIP claimant now waits only seven weeks for an assessment". Justin must be joking if he expects anyone to believe that he knows what an average is, if he did, he would not be working for the mendacious Duncan Smith.

IDS was asked whether the DWP had carried out a review into up to 60 suicides by benefits claimants after their benefits were sanctioned by his department. He said that no review had been carried out by his department. In fact, a peer review is carried out into every suicide - to see what lessons can be learnt by DWP operatives. The point is, he knows full well that these reviews are carried out but he denied all knowledge.

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Annual Review 2015

A summary of the year...

Northern Powerhouse Flooded

The year ended with George Osborne's Northern Powerhouse under water. His leader Dave, speaking from a northern puddle, said that his government had already done a lot to protect the Powerhouse from flooding and he was considering if more needed to be done. Ungrateful people, recently flooded out of their homes, heckled Dave. Meanwhile, his Environment Secretary, Liz Truss, speaking from a puddle elsewhere, read from the Book of Compassionate Conservatism to hold back the flood tide but as King Cunute demonstrated water pleases itself.





Was the world safer in 2015?

Ask the people of Paris after Jihadi lunatics attacked twice this year, first killing all the staff at Charlie Hebdo in January then in November, killing 130 people set to enjoy the weekend. France responded by launching air strikes on IS targets in Syria with a vengeance. Politicians here responded by agonizing over whether to join the fray. After a sleepless night they decided that bombing Syria would make us all safer and the 'worried well' were reassured that our air strikes would be surgical - it would avoid killing innocent civilians. Obviously, the people of Syria do not think the world is a safer place. Five million people have been forced to leave their homes, those with the means are fleeing to the EU. And the EU have bribed Turkey to build a big fence to stop any more leaving. Over 200,000 have been killed on all sides, the numbers of injured can only be guessed at. Russia's Vlad the Impaler decided to add to the carnage, by assisting the Assad regime by bombing rebels, IS nutters and cilivians alike but they too claimed to be surgical.

Time to remind ourselves what Mo Mowlam wrote in 2002:

"This whole affair has nothing to do with a threat from Iraq - there isn't one. It has nothing to do with the war against terrorism or with morality. Saddam Hussein is obviously an evil man, but when we were selling arms to him to keep the Iranians in check he was the same evil man he is today. He was a pawn then and is a pawn now. In the same way he served western interests then, he is now the distraction for the sleight of hand to protect the west's supply of oil."

"What is most chilling is that the hawks in the Bush administration must know the risks involved. They must be aware of the anti-American feeling throughout the Middle East. They must be aware of the fear in Egypt and Saudi Arabia that a war against Iraq could unleash revolutions, disposing of pro-western governments, and replacing them with populist anti-American Islamist fundamentalist regimes."

Bottom line: we know now what the legacy of the Blair-Bush Iraq war is, a string of anti-Western Islamist fundamentalist regimes spreading like a virus across the whole globe.

Ask the people of Yemen if the world is a safer place.

In case you missed it, there's a war going on in Yemen. The number of dead and injured is unknown, no one is counting; we do know that people are now starving to death. We also know that Saudi Arabia has intervened on behalf of the incumbent regime and that Iran is assisting the rebels, who back the last incumbent. We also know that Saudi bombs are state of the art, almost surgical, ask the doctors and nurses who saw their hospital blown to smithereens - that's right, they were supplied by the UK. Let's just say that our country's ethical foreign policy is a work-in-progress.

In Ethiopia a famine on the scale of the 1980s is happening, with 20 million people affected and their government is in denial:

"There will not be famine of any sort, let alone anything remotely like the magnitude of that of 1984," the Ethiopian Embassy in London said.

The problems of Ethiopia are many; ethnic strife, war with neighouring countries, corruption, inept government and Bob Geldof is nowhere to be found this Christmas.


An end to aspirational waffle

Lost Labour's leadership 'struggle' terminated in September with overwhelming support for Jeremy Corbyn. This demonstrated that Labour supporters have had enough of aspirational waffle from people in $500 suits like Chuka Umunna. The outcome also reflected a grass roots rejection of New Labour's astroturf version of social democracy.

Corbyn left his opponents in the leadership race more stunned than the day they were born. Corbyn's win was huge and did not need to rely on the votes of £3.00 Tories and Trotskyite entrists, strange how the media managed to avoid noticing that small detail - having spent the past several weeks telling us that the whole process was a sham.

The good news is that several shadow cabinet drips have now decided that they can't work with Corbyn - Socialism makes them feel uncomfortable. This may be a good time to remind ourselves what Gordon Brown said would happen if Corbyn won, he said that the Labour Party would be reduced to a party of protest. Yes Gordon, and that would be more than it's ever been in its entire history.

Bag of bones found in Tesco carpark

In March 35,000 people turned out to watch a 500 year old bag of bones being driven through Leicester, not much to gladden the heart there, that is, for anyone expecting some post-modern indifference towards a 15th century psychopath. Trade in Chinese souvenir tat was brisk, and much value was added to the notion of Britishness. This was most important in the Year of British Values that David Cameron found himself struggling to promote with the reverberations of the Trojan Horse letter still keeping him awake at night. Dave's attempts to define British values fooled no one, talk of fish and chips really did not carry the day. Dave tried to save his inability to define British values by invoking the spectre of the 13th century Magna Carta, er, that was 800 years ago, the peasants didn't read it then and are unlikely to do so now. Still, that is what British Tory values is all about, forever looking backwards for something to celebrate. It distracts the mind marvelously from the rotten uncivilized chaos of the world today. To paraphrase Marshall McLuhan, beware distractions as changes are made to your affairs, which you will not appreciate until it's too late.


Sporting Legacy

This year left us in no doubt that FIFA was no more than a crime syndicate after a large number of the mob bosses have been nabbed by the FBI (God Bless America). We also saw smug IAAF president, Lord Coe, claiming to be alarmed by the scale of doping going on in his sport. He said he was the man to fix the problems. He prefers to overlook the fact that he has been number two in the IAAF for several years before getting the top job this year. However, both FIFA and the IAAF have problematic decisions to make, by which both organisations will be judged going forward. The IAAF have the tricky fact that Russia needs to be banned from the 2016 Olympics following its doping antics in the 2012 games. FIFA have to face up to the fact that the 2022 World Cup in Qatar cannot go ahead. And our FA must become less pusillanimous. Note: The IAAF voted to suspend Russia's federation (Araf) on 13 November but a final decision as to whether they can take part in 2016 will not be taken until March next year.


The Pace and Urgency of our Leader

Our leader Dave found some pace and urgency. He moved everywhere at speed, providing us with the illusion of purposeful action. Dave spoke of his urgency following his election victory:"We will not waste a single moment with getting on with the task." Obviously not everything was urgent for Dave, e.g., English votes for English laws, a British Bill of Rights, a Care Cap for the elderly and a vote on fox hunting, they are not urgent.

Dave does have a more urgent list, e.g., the Immigration Bill and of course, turning every school in the country into an academy and setting up another 500 free schools, £12bn in welfare cuts, a ban on so-called legal highs, a "truly seven day" NHS by 2020. He also plans to farm out children's services to the private and charity sectors.

action rule
Dave is keen to bring his "snooper's charter", that is, the Investigatory Powers Bill, to the top of his urgent list. The snoopers will be vying for top spot on the list with the Trade Unions Bill and Dave's determination to sort the unions out, that will be while he's building a 'northern powerhouse' and the HS2 rail line, so that we can all get there, twenty minutes earlier.

He also intends to sell off the entire social housing stock, including everything the housing associations own by 2020.

And obviously most urgent for Dave is the impending EU Referendum. Apparently, the Referendum, planned for 2017, will ask citizens to Stay or Leave. During the third week in December Dave went to Brussels for a conversation on EU reform and had this to say:

"I want to see real progress in all of the four areas that I've mentioned. We're not pushing for a deal tonight, but we're pushing for real momentum so that we can get this deal done."

Three of Dave's areas are of no mark, expect the other 27 countries involved to say fine but he will make no progress on a four year exclusion of benefits for incomers.

The outcome of his conversations will depend on whether Dave can convince citizens, when he comes back empty handed that he is actually carrying a basket full of reforms. He will then call the Referendum on the quick, before the Leave campaign gains its own momentum.


The Massacre at Charlie Hebdo


Three Islamist killers massacred the entire staff at French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo. The whole world responded by holding vigils. Security experts were interviewed, politicians made the usual speeches and held meetings to assess the threat level, cartoonist across the world picked up their pencils in solidarity. What was it Shakespeare said, something about "full of sound and fury signifying nothing".

The journalists at Charlie Hebdo had mocked the messenger Muhammad and according to Anjem Choudary, currently living on benefits in Britain, "they knew there would be consequences".

In a letter published by USA Today, Choudary helpfully clarified Islamist thoughtlessness for us. He tells us that muslims do not believe in the concept of freedom of expression. Islam is not about peace, it's about submission to the commands of Allah.

Oddly Choudary's logic takes a giant leap, most necessary otherwise his argument doesn't work, when he tells us that this submission must apply equally to muslims and non-muslims alike.

Question: why isn't Choudary on the Work Programme?

The Fake Tory Road


This picture shows the first poster of the May election campaign from the Tory party.

Chancellor George Osborne assured everyone:

"It's a British picture, a British road".

Not true. It's mostly a German road and the bits that are not were provided by Photoshop. German photographer, Alex Burzik tells us he took the original picture of the road near his home town of Weimar, he added that the photo had been digitally altered. Tory high command, attempting to support the woeful George, said the poster was based on a number of images and they had been assured that all the elements of the photograph were British. We do not know who provided the aforementioned "assurance"?


Cared for Children


Our great leader plans to save all children in care from the failings of local authority services. He told us:

"This will be one of the big landmark reforms of this Parliament, as transformative as what we did in education in the last".

Transformative is an interesting word, it makes an action seem grandiose, life-changing, radical, when in fact the changes being made are uninspiring and mediocre, based on a wing and prayer, social engineering being managed by alchemists.

Poorly performing children’s services will be told that they must improve within six months or be taken over by high-performing authorities, experts and charities. All very interesting but eleven months after the new trust took over Doncaster it was still deemed to be failing by Ofsted - perhaps Dave should bus in some more experts.

Edward Timpson MP is the Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Children & Families is responsible for the failure of three-quarters of all child protection departments across the country that Ofsted says are not fit for purpose. Timpson appeared in an interview on Channel 4 in December and announced that he was proud of the fact that more children have been taken into care this year than ever before. We think he wandered into 'silly person' territory there.


Iain Duncan Smith claims he is from Barcelona


IDS told Sky News that he did not know anyone called Sarah or Zac and had no knowledge as to why their stories were posted on his website at the Department for Work and Pensions. He added that those responsible, within his organisation, for trying to implicate him in Sarah and Zac's lying subterfuge would be punished.

Sarah and Zac were in fact actors paid to promote the wonders of IDS's welfare reforms. The actors were paid to appear as penitent and grateful, reformed into contributing citizens by having their benefits taken away.

Later in the month, Duncan Smith said he didn't know why his customers keep dying. More than 2,500 sick and disabled benefit claimants have died after being found 'fit for work' in just two years. In fact, some died within two weeks after having their benefit reduced.

IDS's ghouls did not want the figures released for fear that "incorrect conclusions would be drawn"... "Such misinterpretations would be contrary to the public interest, particularly given the emotive and sensitive context of mortality statistics."

IDS says disabled people are not normal


In an effort to defend his department's record on getting more people with a disability back into work, Duncan Smith, made a fine mess of things:

“I think the figure is now over 220,000, which I believe is the highest figure since records began, in proportionate terms, but the most important point is that we are looking to get that up to the level of normal, non-disabled people who are back in work.” (When, you may wonder did records begin? How about a millisecond after someone asked IDS for a number.)


Tax Credits U-Turn


Newspapers are spent a lot of column inches discussing the government's proposed tax credit cuts during October. The only thing anyone needed to know was that the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) said that 3 million families would lose over £1,000 a year. And neither Boy George or his Treasury chums were able to counter that claim!

However, following massive opposition to the tax credit cuts, by the House of Lords, Boy George decided not to cut tax credits in his Spending Review. This was only a temporary stay of execution for low paid families. Two years down the road the introduction of Universal Benefit, the Tory 'final solution', will ensure the cuts occur.


TTIP latest.... Did you see Prime Minister Cameron, at the Tory conference, getting all excited about the most anti-democratic piece of manoeuvring in recorded history, i.e. the introduction of the Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership. TTIP


VW tops the Pure Greed league


The BBC said that car giant Volkswagen admitted cheating emissions tests in the US. That is not true, US authorities discovered that VW had cheated on advertised emissions from their diesel vehicles. Saying that VW 'admitted' doing it makes it sound like they had an attack of honesty; which would never happen. Now, VW think they can undo the damage to their reputation by replacing chief executive Martin Winterkorn, with the untainted Matthias Mueller. Acting chairman, Berthold Huber made an apology to customers, adding: "I want to be very clear, the manipulation of tests for diesel engines is a moral and political disaster". No, it's a financial disaster and when greed is your reason for existing then it really is a disaster.

Morality, all very interesting, now the focus is on regulatory authorities across Europe, who we are told knew about VW's fixing as far back as two years ago and did nothing. But by now no one should be surprised by the inaction of our regulatory protectors, after all they did not protect us against horsemeat, or PPI, or interest rate riggers.

VW Update (08/10/15): VW were now claiming that their global emissions scam was all the work of two rogue software engineers and the board of directors knew absolutely nothing about it.


Tory election victory


The next thousand years...

When the exit polls showed a win for the Tories, all the pundits said like Victor, "I don't believe it". How wrong these chumps were. Leading the chump pack was Paddy Ashdown who said he would eat his hat if the predicted wipeout of his LibDem crew occurred. Well, they got wiped out and he has not eaten his hat - so much for LibDem promises. However, good riddance to the Zombie Party and their middle ground, beige, unchallenging, don't upset anyone, don't change anything claptrap. Meanwhile Tories should see their pallor improve, now that they can stop transfusing the Zombies. Zombie leader Clegg resigned.

Miliband's One Nation, Squeezed Middle, Not Quite Attlee Party also got tranced and sent scurrying into a huddle of stunned simpletons. They will spend the next several weeks navel gazing and pretending they do not know why they lost so pathetically. Quite simply it was due to the fact that all they offered the electorate was more beige and a few tweaks, at a time when the Tories have been tearing up the welfare consensus, privatising every public service, destroying local government, and allowing further erosion of parliamentary democracy by facilitating the corporate capture of every government department. Labour hardly mentioned any of this, preferring to pretend none of it was happening. The pundits say that Labour lost because the electorate believed the Tory mantra about the lamentable record of New Labour, specifically their excessive spending and poor economic management. Don't believe it, it was the vacuous beigeness of Labour's message, sadly summed up by Ed's final last ditch gimmick - the tombstone of pledges. Ed's One Nation dream faded into more meaningless twaddle than it already was as the SNP took all the Scottish seats bar three. Ed resigned as party leader and rightly so. Ed heralded the end of days for the Labour Party.

Nigel Farage also resigned his role as front man for the Real Ale Society. Nigel didn't manage to become an MP, it was his seventh attempt, he decided to give up. UKIP has only one MP, Douglas Carswell; so expect him to become the party leader. No wait a moment, Farage is having second thoughts, he says he may decide to stand again to lead the Party. Oddly, UKIP managed to get over four million votes based on a platform of only one policy, i.e. Britain is full up. As we now know, Farage came back but the media are getting their sound bites elsewhere now.

Meanwhile Dave is celebrating in the bierkeller with the Bavarian wing of the party, busy discussing the next thousand years, while Duncan Smith and Shapps-Green-Fox, the many-faced dosh dealer, entertain with a chorus of Deutschland uber Alles....

Footnote: Shapps, one time Tory co-chairman, and latterly, no-mark minister for international development, resigned in disgrace after it was revealed that he had been warned about bullying in the party before the death of one of its young activists and did nothing about it. (Nov. 2015)


Nicky Morgan: a tale of ambition and pipe dreams


Prior to the last election, the Tories ditched the Jesuit zeal of Michael Gove and replaced it with the humanist sentiment of Nicky Morgan in order to improve their election chances. With the election won, Morgan has had time to establish herself as Education Secretary and we now see that the difference between her and Gove were no more than cosmetic, a new wrapper around the same ambitions and pipe dreams, the same structural tinkering and scapegoating.

In response to the latest PISA results, which has England in 26th place for Maths, Nicky pledged to put us in 5th place by 2020. Leaving aside the worth of the PISA tests, expecting our 15 year olds, five years hence, to achieve what can only be described as a miracle. Our position in the international league table has been unchanged since they started in the 1990s. What measures we may wonder will Morgan be introducing to accomplice this epic achievement, will Cecil B DeMille be on hand to capture the moment.

Morgan tells us that happiness is just as important as a string of top grades, she does not want her legacy to be academically able students who are miserable and stressed out. Here we see Morgan nodding in the direction of wellbeing; the latest fad sweeping across the education landscape. Quite how you encourage wellbeing in circumstances where children are being hot-housed to take on China's finest is as yet unknown.

Enter Richard Layard who established the Wellbeing Programme in 2003, he believes that the teaching of happiness is possible. He tells us:

"How can we do this? I think it requires an educational revolution in which a central purpose of our schools is to teach young people about the main secrets of happiness for which we have empirical evidence."

Layard's secrets include: Caring for others makes you happy… not comparing yourself to others … choosing goals that are attainable and always focussing on the positive. For Layard, schools should be in the business of character building and a distinct curriculum subject, designed to build character should be put in place. As yet, Morgan has not announced an intention to follow Layard's sanction.


Royal couple boost earnings


The Duchess of Cambridge, aka Kate Middleton, gave birth to a healthy baby girl. The new birth boosted Royal income, they are now entitled to £34.40 in child benefit! This time round the world's media didn't embarrass itself by commentating aimlessly about nothing for a week and inflicting pictures of closed hospital doors onto our TV sets every evening. The peasants, once again, celebrated, cheered and danced deliriously, as if they had just been named in the family will. They left chanting "Princess, Princess", before returning to their wretched hovels. Unfortunately, there is no known medical cure for forelock-tugging deference.

The BBC's royal correspondent, still waiting for a knighthood, Stupid Nick did cover the over-night pervigilium at Kensington Palace, he doesn't know why but then he has been Stupid since his christening.

With no news to report, Stupid made up his report covering the lack of movement that he witnessed. The Royal quartet all slept as if they had done a days work, being untroubled by the need to pay the hateful bedroom tax for all those empty rooms at Ken' Palace. The needs of the, as yet, unnamed child, were catered for by a squadron of zero hours agency nannies. Stupid said they just love the flexibility and travel opportunities; next stop Norfolk, although the nanny package excludes travel expenses.

Some chump from the Centre for Retail Research, Joshua Bamfield, estimates that the new child will add £150 million per annum to the UK's economy.

Blow us all down with a feather, now we know why we tolerate them. However, it just might be the case that Mr Bamfield is a demented idiot.

Then we had an announcement from Visit London that they expect 32 million visitors from abroad this summer. We do hope they will all not be expecting an audience with the unnamed one.

They tell us: "The royals are a key driver that attract people from the UK and abroad to the capital."

This is pure speculation and has no substance in fact. Indeed, they seem to ignore the facts, for instance, Windsor Castle is the most visited royal residence but only ranks 24th on the list of tourist attractions.

Visit London didn't say how many of the visitors would be Russian oligarchs, Chinese millionaire gang masters and Arab camel barons, in town just to add more hot air to Boris Johnson's London housing bubble.


Playing Euro Monopoly with a Greek person


According to Mr Hasbro, the rules of Euro Monopoly are simple, child's play, when you have no funds left, you are not playing anymore! So, become a spectator or find another game to play, perhaps with your new chum, Vlad the Impaler.

Also, in the rules, you will find the sanction that no player may borrow money from another player, only the bank. Well, it seems clear that the Greek person has been receiving substantial funds from other players, chiefly, a German woman and a French man - to the tune of £50bn. The European Central Bank has lent a good deal more but according to the rules this should only be done if the borrower has assets to cover the value of the loan - not rubbish government bonds.

These people are a crazy bunch of rule breakers; the Greek person should never have been allowed to join the game in the first place. The whole world knows that Greece did not meet the Copenhagen Criteria, the books were cooked by some American bank and all the other players ignored the crime and said welcome.

The Greek must now leave the game, the other players should never have lent money to the Greek, neither should the ECB. And to compound the silliness, we had the International Monetary Fund lending money to the Greek as well. The IMF were not even playing Euro Monopoly but decided to prop up the Greek and now they are getting all sulky and want their Euros back. But only a fool lends money to a man with empty pockets and should expect no more than a poke in the eye in return. They are telling the Greek, cut your pensions, raise VAT, and tell your people to sustain themselves on the contents of the trash cans.

As for the Greek, he was not born yesterday, he's just behaving like he was. Alexis Tsipras told his people that he would put an end to the austerity that was being imposed on his people by the money men. Tsipras was not lying, he just never Googled the rules of the game!

Rifkind and Straw duped into honesty


Jack Straw and Sir Malcolm Rifkind were caught out in a media sting, set by reporters from the Daily Telegraph and Channel 4's Dispatches posing as a Chinese firm wanting to employ politicians with influence to facilitate the company's business projects.

In separate interviews both men showed their true colours; greedy, duplicitous, idle and self-obsessed. Both appeared not to notice that they were nolonger sitting in the canopy of the political monkey tree.

Straw bragged about operating 'under the radar' in the past, when he helped out a firm that was paying him to get EU rules changed. He assured the phony Chinese company that he would not be averse to doing the same for them, for a small fee, £5000 a day.

Rifkind said he for up for anything since he had so much time on his hands these days. Adding: "I am self-employed - so nobody pays me a salary. I have to earn my income." He was a snip for between £5000-£8000 a day.

Rifkind's current earnings (those we know about) are £67,000 for being an MP (that will be the salary he says he doesn't get) and £180,000 for three company non-executive directorships. Subsequently, he described himself as "silly". Extremely silly bordering on idiocy would be nearer the mark.

Who's got the plastic sword?

However, his leader, Call Me Dave, acted with uncharacteristic speed and decisiveness, to jettison Rifkind from the Party. Dave had a problem, however, no one knew where the plastic sword was. Who had it last, Dave asked, ah, yes, it was that Maria Miller. Then Dave realised they had another problem, where was Miller - in her first home or second home?

Where's Straw

Straw has been stood down by One Nation Labour and appears to have gone to ground, perhaps he's working under the radar again. It will be good if he stays there, he still has questions to answer over extraordinary rendition.

Update for Jack Straw: The overdue release of Shaker Aamer in December, after 14 years in Guantanamo Bay, may cause Jack to have some flash backs about torture and rendition. Obviously, Jack will be relieved to hear that Shaker has no plans to sue anyone over his illegal detention.


King Abdullah: gone and easily forgotten


A cabal of Saudi sycophants lined up to pay homage to the oil money that pays for their fake tans and dental work. Our own great leader, Dave, made a superb contribution by referencing the dead king's “commitment to peace” and his encouragement for “understanding between faiths”. Now, citizens of these islands will by now have worked out that our Dave is not the sharpest tack in the toolbox, but Saudi funding for ISIS and al-Qaida could not have passed even him by. You do not have to be an Islamic scholar to know that Wahhabism is the most intolerant among religious ideologies. You will get your hands chopped off for bible smuggling and they will kill you for converting to another religion. And while we are laying it on with a trowel, we might as well add in the fact that women who get raped are accused of adultery.

Dave was not at the head of the fawning queue, that place is always reserved for Tony Blair. He said that Abdullah was “A staunch advocate of inter-faith relations … he launched the Arab Peace Initiative in 2002 which has stood the test of time as a potential basis for a solution to the Israel-Palestine issue” . Well, excuse me for being old fashioned but I see no evidence of any progress in relation to the Israel-Palestine issue over the past 12 years. Every time I see Tony Blair I am reminded of David Icke's notion that the world is being run by reptilian humanoids called the Babylonian Brotherhood.

Others in the Uriah Heep queue included:

Ban Ki-moon: “Under his leadership over many decades in different high-level positions in Government, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia achieved remarkable progress and prosperity for its people,”

Comment: That would be the same Ban Ki-moon who walked away from his abject failure in the Syrian conflict and signed up to the safer ground of supporting the save the planet brigade.

IMF chief Christine Lagarde: “A discreet but strong advocate of women”

Comment: By discreet she presumably means undetectable except by the Wahhabi police.

US Secretary of State John Kerry: “A brave partner in fighting violent extremism”

Comment: This man seriously raises suspicion that Icke may be on to something.

Barack Obama: “Always candid and had the courage of his convictions”

Comment: Obama should be more worried about his own convictions and the way he has failed the majority of Americans. In particular, he should examine his failure to stand up the gun toting lobby.