World War III will be along soon
In April, Bashar al-Assad's aircraft dropped bombs filled with toxic chemicals on Douma , near Damascus. The UN said, oh, dear, what a nasty man. Mr Mad, Don Trump, called Assad a "gas killing animal". Don went on to tell Vlad the Impaler to "get ready" for missiles. Vlad said, I will shoot your missiles down. Then all three were returned to the asylum. Saudi Arabia and Iran started the war before the official kick-off, deciding to have a dry run in Yemen, where between them and their chums here and in the US, have managed to slaughter tens of thousands of men, women and mainly children. People steeped in knowledge of Arab matters say it's not just another Sunni-Shia conflict, Victor says: "I don't believe it!" And guess what, the UN ran away from this proxy war three years ago.
Spain's prime minister, Pedro Sanchez, thought he might start a war with the UK, saying he was not going to attend the 'we are all chums with the UK Brussels bash' and went on to say that he would veto the ratification of the Withdrawal Agreement. Well, someone explained to him that he did not have a veto and anyway the UK intends to give him Gibraltar. But not until he starts wearing long trousers.
Meanwhile it was confirmed! Trump is as mad as a box of spanners. He told Haiti the
place was a shithole. Our correspondent in Washington (shown opposite) writes that he is probably not taking his medication. Trump told our chimp that he never said anything derogatory about black folk, it was all made up by the Democrats.
Trump was at a January meeting in the White House, celebrating the birthday of Martin Luther King Jr and was overheard by our 'man' asking what team Junior played for.
Drones close Gatwick
December
An imaginary drone closed Gatwick for two days, an unlikely local couple were arrested and tortured by the police for 36 hours. The couple were released without charge, they did not even own a drone, they were into model aircraft. The fact of the arrest led the brain dead journalists at the Daily Mail to deduce that the couple were morons. Meanwhile a senior policeman deduced that there never was a drone sighted. A week past by and the police were telling the press that the earlier police 'no drone' statement was 'misinformation' and 'in fact' there had been 67 sightings of drones.
May: No confidence vote
12/12/18
Tory traitors finally found the guts to put together 48 letters calling for a vote of no confidence in the Prime Minister, Mrs May. The vote requires that 159 traitors vote against May. May said, if she wins the vote she will stand down at the next election in 2022.
The Vote: 200 for, 117 against. So, for the time being she's staying. Bunch of time wasters!
No Vote on meaningless Brexit deal
10/12/18
Mrs May pulled out of her meaningless vote on her Brexit deal and then trotted off to Europe to engage in more meaningless talk with people who have already made their minds up. Now, the whole political class is searching for something more meaningless to say but can't quite manage it.
Update: the next meaningless vote will not take place until January 12, 2019.
Crossrail: How Much?
10/12/18
That would be another £2 billion please. As an engineering feat Crossrail is world beating. The management of the project is typically woeful. Mayor Khan is saying he did not know that the project would not be ready to go as planned this December. The outgoing Crossrail boss says he told Khan in July how far behind work was. Khan told the press that there would be a delay to address H&S concerns - total nonsense. Transport for London and the Dept. for Transport have made a mess of things and Khan knew this. The Greater London Authority now needs to borrow up to £1.3 billion and more from the Department for Transport (DfT) to get the thing open fully by August 2019. Strangely, Khan used KPMG to investigate the delay, that would be the same KPMG that have been working on the project from day one? Khan informed the London Assembly he'd been blindsided about the problems by Crossrail managers, claiming he'd found out about this delay only some two days earlier. If Khan had bothered to walk down to Bond Street tube station he would have seen how far being the project is. And here's joke to finish with - they are also planning Crossrail 2 to run under London.
Macron goes into hiding
08/12/18
The Yellow Vests took to the streets of French cities again today. Police had made 500 'precautionary' arrests before 11.00 o'clock, but they had not managed to kill anyone yet with their baton charges and tear gas.
Man of the people, President Macron stayed inside his palace. Macron just doesn't get it, he cancelled his fuel price hikes and they are still protesting. What do they want? How about a decent life? However, what troubles politicians across Europe is the fact that they can't identify a Yellow Vest leader, someone to have a cosy, reasonable chat with.
Legal Advice will be published
04/12/18
The government was forced to publish the full legal advice on the Brexit deal, after MPs found them in contempt of Parliament for only issuing a summary. It's unlikely that anyone will be taken to task for this failure but the worst that can happen is that they will be suspended from the House.
Update: 05/12/18, The published legal advice does not tell us anything that we did not know already, i.e., the Northern Ireland border will be a bit of a problem, blah, blah...
Farage leaves UKIP
04/12/18
UKIP's NEC have told Gerard Batten he can't have Tommy Robinson as an advisor on all matters Islam. And Nigel Farage announced (04/12/18) that he had cancelled his Direct Debit and had left UKIP - due to Batten's obsession with Islam. Really, does anyone believe that Nigel was paying his membership fee (£4.00) by Direct Debit. Nigel seems to have ditched his own anti-muslim sentiments. Perhaps he's on the look out for a Conservative ticket to the House.
Update: 06/112/18 Ex-Ukip leader Paul Nuttall also cancelled his direct debit to the party over the hiring of Tommy Robinson(Stephen Christopher Yaxley-Lennon) as an advisor on grooming gangs.
Do The Hokey Cokey...
25/11/18
"EU27 has endorsed the Withdrawal Agreement and Political Declaration on the future EU-UK relations." Donald Tusk.
You put your left leg in,
Your left leg out:
In, out, in, out, shake it all about.
You do the hokey cokey,
And you turn around.
That's what it's all about!That's what Brexit's all about?
"Ditch May now or she will lead us into 2022 election", Giraffe tells Tories.
20/11/18
An absurdist playwright couldn't make it up. Picture the scene, a giraffe in a double-breasted suit is telling followers that the postman will be along soon with more letters. It may not be tomorrow, just soon. 48 letters were needed to force a vote of no confidence in Mrs May. The BBC's Laura Kuenssberg asked Mr Giraffe if he felt like a twit saying he was going to bring about the downfall of Mrs May and failing so abysmally. He replied: “Patience is a virtue, virtue is a grace.” The press corp stood in awe or was it astonished silence, or did they know that the next line of the song is... "Grace is a little girl who wouldn’t wash her face"
Arron Banks: has he been chipped by the Russians?
02/11/18
There is something that's just not right about Mr Banks. Why would a business wise guy that owns diamond mines that are failing to make any money, be giving £9 million away to UKIP and LeaveEU. He says all the money came from his companies but this cannot be checked because the the company accounts are hidden on an island somewhere. There is a suspicion that the money came from those nasty Russians. Fear not, the National Crime Agency us on the case. So expect some answers at some time hence, when nobody will care less.
Khashoggi Death, Saudis Confess - no torture was used
20/10/18
Two weeks ago Jamal Khashoggi, journalist and outspoken critic of the Saudi regime, paid a visit to the Saudi consulate in Istanbul. He did not reappear. The Turks said he was chopped up by a Saudi hit squad. The Saudi regime finally admitted that he had died in the consulate, in a fist fight. Mr Trump said that will do for me.
Peoples' March in London?
20/10/18
Mayor of London Sadiq Khan said: "There's nothing more democratic than trusting the people to have the final say on our future." And celebrities Steve Coogan, Delia Smith and Deborah Meaden will be supplying a joke, a menu and some queer looks. Labour MP, Chuka Umunna, said remainers were not ignoring the 2016 vote but people just did not have all the facts! Um, like the need for a second referendum?
An Unbelievable Apology
10/05/18
Today the government apologised unreservedly in the Commons to Abdul Hakim Belhaj and Fatima Boudchar for being rendered to Gaddafi's torture chambers in Libya in 2004. The couple were kidnapped in Thailand by the US, following a tip-off by M16, the latter also took part in the 'questioning'.
This apology is unbelievable because governments usually wait until everyone concerned is dead before they apologise.
A Humble Address My Foot
02/05/18
Labour put forward a motion in the Commons asking the government to supply the Home Affairs Committee access all documents relating to Windrush cases from 2010 onwards. Labour lost the vote by 95 votes, as MPs voted against Windrush disclosures. Tory MPs were given a three line whip to vote against and to reveal nothing. This must be the biggest cover up in the history of the Commons.
Note: a humble address is a petition of the Monarch, and by extension the Government, to order documents to be produced.
Rudd lies her way to the JobCentre
27/04/18
The Home Secretary told a Select Committee that the Home Office had no targets for removing illegal immigrants. Then, she told parliament that they had local targets but not national targets. However, she was not aware of these targets. Then, a six-page memo was passed to the Guardian, saying that her department had set “a target of achieving 12,800 enforced returns in 2017-18” and boasted that “we have exceeded our target of assisted returns”.
The Windrush Mystery
24/04/18
Back in 2009 someone took the decision to destroy paperwork relating to people who arrived with their children on the Windrush vessel in 1948. Alan Johnson, New Labour, Home Secretary at the time says it was the Border Agency that took the 'destroy' decision. Mrs May says it was him but the actual destruction took place while she was the Home Secretary in 2010. This debate has been going on for two weeks and no one is taking responsibility for making a large number of peoples lives miserable. Amber Rudd, the current Home Secretary blamed everyone except herself - quite right Amber, why would you bother to inform yourself about the plight of black people - even when a Guardian reporter has been phoning the Home Office every day for six months seeking information about the destroy decision?
Anti-abortion protesters should take a break, to Gruinard!
11/04/18
Ealing Council is to create a safe zone around an abortion clinic in the borough following complaints of harassment by anti-abortion protesters. Instead of making the world a better place to live in, they choose to make it miserable. They should all be sent to Gruinard Island to protest Winston Churchill's use of the island to carry out biological warfare experiments using anthrax. Which led to massive soil contamination of the island.
Russians in Salisbury
10/03/18
Sergei Skripal, a former Russian spy and his daughter were poisoned. They were found outside Greggs, on a bench, in the middle of Salisbury. The news media were hot on the case, he was an ex-soviet spy, a nerve agent was used, it was Putin. The full power of the state went into overdrive. A tent was placed over the bench. Then a panic ensued, the tent nearly blew away, men in protective suits tied the tent down, this was all relaid to the nation via TV, together with a full explanation of what was happening. That is a prime example of what the media, the experts, and government have been doing since the pair were found days ago - supplying the public with useless information. The men in protective suits moved on to the cemetery where Sergei's wife and son are buried - they covered their graves with tents? Meanwhile, 200 idle soldiers were scrambled to stand round the back of Greggs, waiting for Amber Rudd to deploy...
May expels 23 Russian Spies
14/03/18
Britain is now convinced it was the Russians wot done it and expelled a ton of Russian spies, to show Vlad the Impaler we mean business. But, and here's a tricky question, how is it that we managed to find so many spies in a week? How come we didn't know about them before the poisoning incident in Salisbury? Perhaps it might have been more effective if Mrs May told our banks to stop laundering the criminal earnings of Russians busy buying London. May also said that no government representative or Royals will be attending the World Cup in Russia.
Russians in Salisbury Update
23/03/18
The poisoning bench has been removed to a secret location and those people told to wash their clothes are now being told to hand them over for burning (they will be compensated, let's hope they don't have to wait as long as the shopkeepers caught up in the 2011 riots.)
Salisbury Attack: killers identified
15/09/18
Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov, who appear to have no past beyond 2009, have been accused of the Novichok attack on Russian spy, Sergei Skipal and his daughter. The state assassins told Russian TV that they were in Salisbury to visit the cathedral. There's no doubt that Petrov and Boshirov work for Russian military intelligence and there's also no doubt that our government does not have a clue what to do. And so it did what it does best - fuck all.
Struggling to explain the intelligence of Boris
We frequently hear people saying that Boris Johnson is highly intelligent and yet all the evidence for this points in the other direction.
Boris says sorry
06/12/18
Parliament's Standards Commissioner, Kathryn Stone, says Johnson's failure to record his income in the Register of Members' Interests from book sales was "neither inadvertent nor minor". Basically the buffoon disregarded the rules that apply to everyone else. He also failed to get permission from the Advisory Committee on Business Appointments to start scribbling for the Telegraph again, after resigning from his role as Foreign Secretary. That was another rule disregarded. And his punishment for this behaviour, a simple sorry.
Bonkers Boris Burqa Bashing 10/08/18
No mark Tory MP Boris Johnson upset Muslims throughout the land by writing in his Telegraph column that women wearing the Burqa looked like post boxes and bank robbers. The suggestion that Bonkers would make a good PM is fanciful, as John McEnroe would say, "you cannot be serious".
Banks that do more fiddling than Nero
July
In July, Goldman Sachs and the prime minister of Malaysia were found out stealing from an investment fund (1MDB) put in place to provide the country with much needed infrastructure, $4bn was apparently siphoned off to fund lavish living for insiders. Goldman Sachs were once again shocked to discover that their employees were caught with their sticky fingers in the till. Goldman's head of South East Asia, Tim Leissner, pleaded guilty to facilitating bribes. Poor Tim claimed that it was the bank's culture of secrecy that led to his wrong doing. Goldman was being prosecuted and claimed it was all the work of rogue employees. Prime minister Najib Razak was said to have $700m in his personal bank account, apparently fiddled from the fund and a Malaysian financier known as Jho Low waltzed off with $2m. All that anyone knows now is that the public purse is short $6.5m that has to be paid back by the workers of Malaysia.
Riots in Londonderry
14/07/18
There have been six nights of unrest in the Bogside, with petrol bombs being thrown at protestant houses on the other side of the Peace Wall. The main target, however, was the police. However, a couple of old provos were targeted on Friday night, the houses of Gerry Adams and Bobby Storey were bombed. Someone in Sinn Fein described the act as "reprehensible". We are told that dissident republicans are behind the New Troubles.
Note: Why did it take the BBC 5 days to report the unrest? And those know-all wise guys on national talk radio LBC were too busy talking nonsense about Trumps visit to bother to discusss the so-called Peace Dividend.
May's reshuffle, after Chequers
12/07/18
Boris the Buffoon resigned and mysteriously his job as Foreign Secretary went to Jeremy Hunt, what will the NHS do now? Don't panic, Matt Hancock, former Culture Secretary has the helm now, perhaps you should panic? Culture is now being looked after by Jeremy Wright, former attorney general, he's the fourth person in charge at Culture in two years. Let's hope he does a better job than he did at the Ministry of Justice between 2012 and 2014; prisons and probation services in a mess and rehabilitation nonexistent.
David Davis, Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, also disappeared following the Chequers summit, but no one seemed too bothered about that since he really had not done much after two years in the job. Various other unknown people resigned but no one had ever heard of them.
Forget Dignitas
The Report of the Gosport Independent Panel
Gosport War Memorial Hospital
Between 1989 and 2000 a large number of patients died at Gosport War Memorial Hospital after being given "dangerous" amounts of painkilling medication, not clinically justified. The Independent Panel reviewing the deaths said that 456 patients died but the number may have been greater, 200 hundred records were missing. Relatives have said that more than 800 patients were help on their way.
A junior nurse raised her concerns about the treatment the elderly were receiving as far back as 1991 but she ignored. Families who complained about the treatment were readily dismissed by doctors and administrators. One doctor was found guilty of failings of care between 1996 and 1999, this took 10 years but there were no prosecutions, she was not struck off and she was allowed to slip away in retirement. Also, the Baker report of 2003 took ten years to see the light of day and if NHS advisers to the Minister, Norman Lamb, had been listened to the report would had been consigned to the shredder.
The police were busying themselves between 1998 and 2006, but no prosecutions were brought. According to the Panel, the police tended favour the hospital’s view of things over the evidence of the relatives, who were seen as trouble makers. It said the quality of the force's three investigations was "consistently poor”.
Following the report’s publication the usual suspects like the Royal College of Nursing trotted out the usual nonsense: "Nursing as a profession must work hard to seek out lessons from Gosport”. And the General Medical Council said: "We will be studying the report carefully to identify learning points.”
In sum, this report tells us that there was attempt by several agencies to cover up murder, doctors and nurses failed, the hospital management failed, the police failed, and the CPS failed.
Bottom line: Don’t bother travelling to Switzerland, just book into a hospital here, it wont cost you a penny.Carillion goes bust
January
New Tory party chairman Brandon Lewis told the BBC the government was keeping "a very close eye on this".'This' being, the impending collapse of a very large white elephant in the shape of construction company Carillion. This company owes the banks £900m and has come up short on pension funds, to the tune of another £600m. They offered the banks some worthless shares to cover the debt, the banks said we'll give you until April to sort yourself out. Meanwhile the money grubbers, that includes all the executives and shareholders, are hoping and probably expecting the State to bail Carillion out of the mess it's made for itself. And they are probably right, given the fact that the Tories had a crisis meeting due to the very large slice of the public sector handled by Carillion.
Carillion: Culpability unbounded
20/01/18
The Financial Reporting Council (the slumbering accountancy watchdog) is investigating the auditing work carried out by KPMG over the past three years. The trustees of Carillion's pension fund do not have a clue about the funding shortfall of £990m - that figure has increased £300m in the past week. The Pensions Regulator said information available before July 2017 "did not highlight sufficient concern". However, we know that the trustees were concerned but we do not know why that did not concern the regulator? Meanwhile, the bosses took huge rewards and the shareholders turned a blind eye because they were getting their skin.
The regulators slept through the whole episode, the trustees behaved like subservient poodles, the auditors did what auditors do, take the money and waltz off, and the directors took every undeserved penny they could get away with and for the shareholders the gravy stopped flowing but as everyone knows what goes up must come down.
Unfinished Business
29 Years After Hillsborough
15/09/18
David Duckenfield, the police match commander at Hillsborough in 1989, when fans were crushed to death, pleaded not guilty to the gross negligence manslaughter of 95 Liverpool fans. It may be a number of years before anything more happens. For some reason the trial proper will not begin until next year or the one after.
Brexit deal
Will we leave on the 29th of March 2019? Will there be a second referendum? Will Article 50 be revoked? Will there be a another general election?
UP
UP