Eritrea
Introduction: 2011 witnessed a spate of popular uprisings across the Middle East. The people had finally had enough of their dictators. There was some suggestion that Eritrea might be a prime candidate for another citizen uprising.
Recent history: Eritrea finally freed itself from Ethiopia in 2000 at the conclusion of a thirty year war. It freed itself in order to install the kind of despotism that Ethiopia could only dream of.
Economy: Well it certainly is economic, with a GDP of $4 billion. For the sake of comparison, miserable little Liechtenstein, with its population of 35,000 has the same size GDP with 5 million less citizens. Another comparison: Roman Abramovich has personal wealth of £7.8 billion and Carlos Slim, the world's richest citizen, has £31 billion.
The Eritrean economy might to be described as an old style Soviet Command Economy - not that there's much to command. 80% of the poplulation are engaged on subsistence farming and struggling to feed themsevles. In 2007 a Canadian mining company signed a contract with the government but very few multinationals have any interest in doing business with Africa's second-rate answer to North Korea.
President Issaias Afewerki, his pals, and army generals own all the companies. Dynamism is not a feature of the Eritrean economy.
Trivia: Eritrea is the only African country without any privately owned news media. Dissenting voices are stoned. Also, the opportunities for spreading dissent are diminished, if not impossible. It is estimated that mobile phone subscriptions are as low 3 per 100 citizens. 'Reporters Without Borders' put Eritrea at the top of a poll as the worst country for press freedom.
Politics: The country is run by the People's Front for Democracy and Justice. Deep irony resonates; Eritrea is not a democracy, Eritrea has no justice, and whatever a Front is, the people have bugger all to do with it.
The country has been run by the same provisional clique that took control in 1993, following a referendum to split with Ethiopia. Although the constitution states that elections will take place every five years, none have ever taken place.
The main problem for Eritrea is its insistence on warring with all its neighbours. The country seems to have some kind of dispute rota system in place, one week it's Djibouti, the next it's Sudan and then it's Ethiopia - then the process starts all over again. The UN walked away from all this nonsense in 2008.
Bottom Line: The probability of Eritrea being the next pro-democracy flashpoint is very low. Only the army have the means to remove Afewerki's clique but have no incentive to do so since they drink from the same trough.
Gabon
Gabon is run by Ali-Ben Bongo Ondimba: The President of Poverty
The president of this poverty-ravaged African state spent £85million on a lavish townhouse in Paris, he bought a sprawling 48,000 sq ft mansion on an acre of land in the heart of the French capital.
The average wage in Gabon is $12 a day, although the country's oil wealth makes it one the richest places on Earth.
According to the President of Poverty he needed his new home to save money on hotel bills whilst he's enjoying himself in Paris.
Nigeria Exposed
Our investigators in Africa have been working undercover in Nigeria and we can reveal that the whole of that country's GNP is based on scamming.
Today we can reveal that every man, woman and child is engaged in the production of letters and emails telling the rest of world's citizens that they have won a fortune in prize draws that they never entered in the first place. For a small admin fee they can claim their winnings.
A key player in the scamming enterprise told one of our people:
" You can't catch antelope for dinner unless you get out of bed first, poor people are born knowing this. You rich people want your antelope brought to you in bed. So, that's what we offer you - antelope in bed. Nice idea but all you get from us is the bones of the carcass, while we feast on your greed."
Very Eric Cantona, thanks.
And more, we can reveal, that these Nigerian entrepreneurs derive your personal details from so-called bona fides companies that you shop with day to day. Yes, your addresses, phone numbers, email addresses are being sold like body parts across the Internet. So the next time some shop operative asks for your details for 'the warranty' say no thanks, I'll forward the details to Nigeria myself.
Rwanda
Patel boosts trade with Rwanda
UK will traffick people 4000 miles away
17/04/22
Home Secretary Priti Patel has taken full responsibility for people trafficking to Rwanda. This is a clever move. Basically, the cloak of responsibility she has just taken on is in the same moment discarded by outsourcing the processing of the trafficked souls, seeking asylum here, to a Rwanda hotel. The hotel in question can take 100 guests, while they are being processed. This process, we are told may take up to three months. This means that trafficker-in-chief-Patel can only shift 400 a year.
Last year 28,526 people crossed the Channel in small boats.
The cost of the project is unknown, we know that we have provided £120m initially for educational projects but expect to be shocked if this nuttiness every gets underway. It’s nuts because once people are processed as good citizens in Rwanda, they can’t come here, they can stay in Rwanda. The bad citizens will have to start paddling across the seas again.
Justice and migration minister Tom Pursglove said Rwanda was a progressive country that wanted to provide sanctuary and had made "huge strides forward" in the past three decades. The Tories have convinced themselves that Rwanda is “one of the safest countries” despite reports that critics of its government are jailed, tortured and go missing.
Note: 3,610 Rwandans have sought asylum in European countries in the past five years.
Update
In December 2022, senior judges rejected arguments that the plans were unlawful.
Lord Justice Lewis, sitting with Mr Justice Swift, dismissed the challenges against the policy — which has already seen the UK pay Rwanda £140 million — as a whole.
However, they did rule in favour of eight asylum seekers, finding the Government had acted wrongly in their individual cases.
Following the ruling, Home Secretary Suella Braverman said she remained “committed” to sending migrants to Rwanda as soon as possible.
The UK Government has refused to put a date on when the first flight to Kigali could take off, recognising the threat of further legal action.
Coronavirus in Tanzania: The country that's rejecting the vaccine
President Magufuli of Tanzania believes the Covid-19 vaccines could be harmful and has instead been urging Tanzanians to use steam inhalation and herbal medicines. The twit even had his health minister Dorothy Gwajima (pictured) hold a press conference to demonstrate how to make a vegetable smoothie that she said, without providing evidence, would protect against coronavirus. Our friends at the World Health Organization said the smoothie treatment was not approved. (2021)