The state of the world
Welcome to the Big Society
"We are not going to give anyone a big cheque but we will give everyone a big chance in our big society" D. Cameron, the Tory conference in Birmingham, October.
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The wine bar spivs are still gorging themselves at the Sambuca trough, snorting their nasty white powder and generally taking the piss out of citizens who work for a living. The only change in attitude we have seen is a move from threatening to go elsewhere to smug self-congratulation. The final bill is in, for the tax payer, £850 billion, plus another £19 billion of tax breaks on future bank profits. The 'managers', i.e., the politicians, told us they would "sort the banks out" - but we know it was only ever a sound bite.
We now have a new Government, a coalition that no-one voted for.
New Labour had to go; its social engineering agenda failed, its involvement in an illegal war in Iraq and aimlessness in Afghanistan a disaster, its sycophantic relationship with bankers contemptable, its distance from the lives of ordinary citizens inexcusable.
And Gordon Brown 'done for himself' by describing Gillian Duffy, labour voter and pensioner, as a "bigoted women" because she dared to quiz the cheerless twerp over immigration.
The new coalition ConDem Government can be likened to a yatch towing a small life raft astern, the Conservatives are on board the yatch and the LibDems are being towed along behind.
The yatch is called 'Big Society', this initially bemused most commentators but we are smarter than we were, the Tory's really do have an agenda; to turn back the clock to the 19th Century. Thatcher privatized the economy, Cameron will privatize the community.
Nuclear Veterans get shafted at appeal.
Law Lords in all their wigs and finery found in favour of the MOD in their denial of compensation to nuclear test guinea pigs, dating back to the 1950s.
Thoughtlessness is the MOD's crime.
"We recognise the invaluable contribution of all service personnel who took part in the nuclear testing programme. We are grateful to them for the part they played in ensuring UK security." MoD.
And we recognise bollocks when we hear it, in translation it says, thanks very much, now get lost, we found out what we needed to know, people exposed to radiation, get ill a long time after exposure and die slow, painful deaths.
Made in Britain: A Royal Fairy Tale
Look, the peasants are dancing again, having street parties, singing Knees up Mother Brown, Ee-aye, Ee-aye, Ee-aye-oh, Oh my, what a rotten song.
Prince William found his princess and look, someone's writing a book about the dress she's wearing and another one about her shoes. And look the peasants are waving little flags in a frenzy, Isn't She Lovely, my dog they're singing again, witness the astounding spectacle, the poor people are basking in the celebrity glow and the Windsor's are celebrating new blood.
An alien spacecraft was about to land but their on-board computers have reported no signs of intelligent life - Ee-aye, Ee-aye, Ee-aye-oh.
Ed Miliband became the leader of Labour Now!
Ed has a major problem, no one in his party wants to be identified with New Labour anymore but neither do they want to be tagged Old Labour.
Can you hear it? That's the sound of the Labour PR machine working overtime - brainstorming - "Labour Now", no, it needs an exclamation mark - "Labour Now!".
Labour Now!, not Labour Then, not New Labour, this is Labour Now!, i.e. beyond New Labour, beyond Labour Then.
Then some Saville Row suited fool will say, "all seems a bit rootless Ed". " I mean like, the word Now has so many connotations with like Now, like with all the problems of Now and do we really want people to associate us with like Now!
No's the obvious answer but if you're not New, and you're not Then, and you don't want to be Now - where does that leave you Ed?
Nadir comes back for another 15 minutes
Bail jumping fraudster and failed ex-boss of Polly Peck, big Tory Party donor and thief Asil Nadir came sneaking back into the country, after his 17 year holiday in Cyprus, protesting his innocence. Piss off Asil, our Big Society isn't big enough for time wasters.
Andy Warhol said, "In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. Now I'm bored with that line. I never use it anymore. My new line is, "In fifteen minutes everybody will be famous except Asil Nadir, he can't have two lots of fifteen minutes because that would be err, 30 minutes."
RIP - Paul the octopus certainly had his fifteen minutes in 2010.
Indian Police Capture Pakistani Spy
That's him, the shifty looking pigeon. You couldn't make this up, if you did, no one would believe you. It's true though, the pigeon, as yet unnamed was held in custody in Amritsar.
Officials directed that no-one should be allowed to visit the pigeon, which police said may have been on a "special mission of spying".
Senior officers asked to be updated as soon as the pigeon cracked under interrogation.
The pigeon was captured in June, it's believed he may have been rendered to Guantanamo Bay.
A Peerage for Two Jags Prescott
Good old Golden Brown played a parting prank on the Nation just to let us all
know what a light-hearted jester he really is - by giving John Prescott a peerage and we all laughed furiously.
Prescott, famous for little more than being as mad as a box of spanners said not so long ago that he would never accept a peerage. However, he cannot be accused of being a liar, just completely mad. In fact, he now says, he's only doing it for his 'not so bright' wife Pauline.
No apologies, if Pauline was on the ball, she might have questioned why Prescott, the man who never did anything whilst in Government needed a 'diary secretary'. That might have been a bit subtle for her but you'd think that when they started calling him 'Two Shags' she might have worked things out.
Nice Burmese Generals Release Aung San Suu Kyi
November 13th saw the release of Burmese opposition leader, after 15 years under arrest. This was just a public relations exercise, following the country's rigged elections by the military dictatorship. Opposition candidates had to seek permission to campaign and were not allowed to voice any criticism of the ruling junta.
Lovely place Burma but highly pathogenic due to the presence of H5N1, 50% of the national budget goes to the military and only $1 dollar per person is spent on education and healthcare, forced child labour and people traffricking are key to its success as a modern economy.
Pledge takes the shine off the party as students behave like citizens with a grievance.
Liberal Democrats went into the May election with a manifesto promise to "scrap unfair university tuition fees". But in those pre-election days, they were free agents, carefree and foolhardy, up for a jape and a jest; never dreaming they would have to make a decision - well at least not until 2100, when according to Nostradamus they will enter another unhealthy alliance with the Cockroach Post-Apocalyptic Party.
Oh dear, this was a pledge too far, their Tory chums decided to increase tuition fees to £9000. Then, all those students who voted for the LibDems, because they were the only party that mentioned tuition fees in their manifesto, and went around waving bits of paper with the word Pledge on it in big letters, got all agitated and starting behaving like citizens with a grievance.
The students took to the streets and made the Met Chief, Sir Paul Stephenson, look silly. Well, Sir Paul's bosses said look here old boy, we've spent good money on all those Common Purpose seminars for you, you'll have to do a bit better.
The upshot: Sir Paul led a virtual batten charge, Vince Cable got dog crap through his letter box, Nick Clegg got a bullet proof Jag, the Sex Pistols got richer as radio stations dusted off copies of Anarchy in the UK, and oh yes, Camilla got a poke in the ribs and the Bullingdon boys all laughed raucously as they threw stale rolls across crowded restaurants and Mikhail Bakunin turned in his grave.
P.S. if someone had posted the whole cast of The Royal Variety Performance through Vince's letter box, he wouldn't have noticed the difference.
Eyjafjallajökull
Yes, you're right, that was the name of the Icelandic volcano that kept everyone at home in April. We found out after the event that the Civil Aviation Authority over-reacted in the caution department. But it was amusing watching news reporters on TV never once trying to pronounce the name of the volcano.
Gulf Oil Spill
The Deepwater Horizon, owned by Transocean and leased to BP, caught fire, April 20, after an explosion and sank. Thirteen oil workers died. The rig, with a platform bigger than a football field and insured for $560 million, was one of the most modern and was drilling in 5,000 feet of water. But it wasn't up for the job because someone decided to cut a few corners.
BP got the blame for the oil spill and the environmental disaster that came in its wake and America from the President down forgot that BP was 50% owned by US companies and shareholders, leastways they only wanted to criticize the British half.
At the last count the spill has cost BP £40 billion. Tony Hayward, the much maligned chief executive, has moved on to Boots the chemist and his old boss, Carl-Henric Svanberg has gone back to his counting house.
BP chairman says: "We care about the small people".
Yesterday, BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg told reporters in Washington: 'I hear comments sometimes that large oil companies are greedy companies or don't care, but that is not the case with BP.'
He added: 'We care about the small people.'
The press have been describing Carl's comments as 'a gaff'. Here at Blast-It we describe it as a revelation. A rare public declaration of the Bilderberg mentality.
Did I hear you say what?
The Bilderberg Club is an annual, unofficial, invitation-only conference of around 130 guests, comprising people of influence in the fields of politics, banking, business, the military and media. Each conference is closed to the public and the press.
At the club's meetings, no resolutions are proposed, no votes taken, and no policy statements issued. The club's meetings are just a place where the people who own everything, or manage things for the owners agree that things should continue unchanged.
When Carl says, 'small people', it's not a specific insult to the Lilliputian fishermen of Louisiana, it's just a general reference to everyone who are not like him - not Bilderbergers.
Take a good look at Carl-Henric Svanberg, you wont be seeing him out again. Carl prefers the seclusion of his Swiss counting house. Notice how his eyes are almost closed to protect his brain from this unaccustomed public scrutiny.
Apologists for Carl's 'small people' remark would have us believe that something was lost in translation, apparently, English is his second language - the first is money.
P.S. If you wanted to go to this year's Bilderberg Club meeting, we're sorry, you missed it. The group met at the Hotel Dolce in Sitges, Spain, 3–7 June.
I could tell you where next year's meeting is but I'd have to kill you.
Turner Prize 2010
Heard but not seen
We are told this is the first time that an artist has won the prize for a sound installation? A what? It's someone singing an old Scottish dirge, it wasn't installed by B&Q and anyway they won last year, with a roll of wallpaper.
How on earth can a bunch of muppigies from the twilight zone describe Susan Philipsz folksong as an sound installation. And then compound the pretence with layers of banality. To wit:
Lowlands, "provokes both intellectual and instinctive responses and reflects a series of decisions about the relationship between sound and sight", providing "powerful sculptural experiences".If Susan had to make a 'series of decisions' it doesn't say much for spontaneity in art.
Curator, Katherine Stout said, it was a "very physical" work, "It plays upon the otherwise emptiness of the gallery."
Yes Katherine, it's an empty room with a couple of speakers. We can see why Katherine replaced last year's curator who said silly things about the roll of wallpaper. For sure, Katherine would have received this year's Lunatic Prize but that's already gone to Sarah Palin.
For the record, Susan didn't win this year's Turner Prize for the empty room with speakers but rather for speakers placed under three bridges in Glasgow, in May.
This year's shortlist was genuinely unremarkable, so much so that most of the press found the student protests outside far more interesting, as did those inside, sipping Champagne at the tax payers' expense.
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Julian Assange: revealing more than secrets
All the spite and bile of the world's second rank corporals was rained down on Julian Assange, founder and editor of Wikileaks.
In December they tried to prevent the website from distributing US diplomatic communications by launching denial of service attacks, denying domain name services, forcing Paypal, Visa, Mastercard, and Amazon to stem the flow supportive contributions.
Now, they are going after Assange on rape charges and the Swiss have frozen his bank account - that's got to be the most ironic moment of the year, the keepers of the Nazi gold getting agitated because he gave the wrong address when he opened the account. We can't have people with no fixed obode having bank accounts now can we.
Assange really has upset the apple cart, his openness embarrassed the corporals, revealed them as duplicitous schemers. Forcing them to reveal their true selves, calling for his death, calling for an assassination.
What they failed to appreciate is that Assange is just an avatar, a virtual character, just a symbol - saint or demon, it doesn't matter, issuing a fatwa against him is pointless.
Germany 2010
Mrs Merkel is now a big fan of nuclear power and needs to protect the industry against citizens brainwashed from the cradle to believe that nuclear is anti-green. She reversed an earlier decision to phase out atomic energy in Germany by 2020 saying the country needed its 20 nuclear plants more than ever before.
FSA 'cover up' report into RBS
December 2nd
The Financial Services Authority refused to publish its report into the collapse of the Royal Bank of Scotland.
Lord Adair Turner, boss at the FSA, says: "the report would add little to our understanding of what went wrong." Turner, arrogantly claims the report is 'too technical and incomplete' for public consumption.
In other words your betters have decided that you don't need to bother yourself about what occurred. Anyway, it's all too complicated for you to understand.
9/11 Book Burning
Pastor Terry Jones made plans to send an incendiary anti-Islam message to the world – unless God gave orders to the contrary.
Well,Terry must have got the word, didn't burn any books but he did create a lot of fuss for five minutes, then went back to ministering to the cacti.
Cat Woman Apologises
Mary Bale, caught on video throwing a cat into a wheelie bin, has said sorry. She said she thought it was funny at the time but now admits it wasn't that clever.
Mary, better known to Sun readers as 'cat woman', was fined £250 for putting the random cat in the bin. The cat didn't appear in court.
2010 The Year of the Fox
June 6th.
After two infants were savaged in Hackney, London, reports of attacks kept everyone alert, except...
33 year old Natasha David, this rather slow young woman was bitten twice in a week by the same fox in her bedroom as she slept.
Dull witted Natasha and her boyfriend, Dominic age 39, phoned the RSPCA for advice and were told to chase off the fox. Seems a bit pointless phoning an agency that sympathizes with animals for advice, which turns out to be equally pointless. Afterall, only an idiot would expect someone who'd just had their foot savaged to be chasing down the road after a fox.
Phoney Papal Visit
The Pope made a State visit in September. The visit was essentially a public relations exercise following the bad press the RC Church had been receiving due to its inaction over the paedaphile criminals within its midst.
The Pope also had another agenda. The Anglican Church also has problems and it's likely that the Pope had a few meetings with those Anglicans considering jumping ship.
Deus ex machina - Euro Crisis
First there was Greece, where the Government spent like Viv Nicholson and then Ireland, where everyone got too greedy.
The printing presses were turned on again and everyone pretended that there wasn't really any structual problem.
Oh, yes there is, Germany can't keep bailing out the losers in a zero sum game.
File Sharers Watch Out!
One of the most significant events of 2010 was the introduction of Digital Economy Bill in to law. This brought to life government plans to disconnect users who have been found to be taking part in illegal file sharing. This was rushed through the parliamentary process in the 'wash up' prior to leaving office (with full support of the main opposition) and the incoming government, despite plans to review it, have not repealed or amended the law.
Ofcom are in the process of implementing the details which will require all ISPs with more than 400,000 customers (excluding mobile broadband) to process and notify customers of copyright infringements when received.
BT and TalkTalk are however in the process of appealing this law through the high courts, so the process isn't as yet set in stone. Well, we wonder why that is? Could it have something to do with their collaboration on YouVeiw?
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Google got a slap on the wrist
Google, whilst undertaking its notorious StreetView prying stole the private data of countless citizens who were using wireless networks.
Google were clearly guilty of breaking some law or other but received no punishment.
The Information Commission's Office (ICO) decided it was just a trifle.
However, citizens may not be aware that the ICO only sent two people into the Google bunker, neither of whom knew anything about programming.
The two reported back to their bosses that Google was safe and that nothing untoward was intended by Google's illegal data gathering antics. In truth, these socalled investigators didn't have a clue what Google were up to.
Perhaps someone should investigate the ICO or better still, scrap it.
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